Hello everyone,
A few days after Al came back from New Jersey, he asked me to move in with him, but I refused... Most of the times I ended up staying over his place; which was much larger then mine and had lovely view of the water... I told him I was not moving with anyone, unless I was a hundred percent sure he was the One for me... Al took offense and for the first time, I was able to see a part of him, which I haven't noticed before: At times, he would sink into a 'Dark Mood' and become silent, disconnected and remote... At one point, when he seemed very withdrawn, I said: "What's going on Al? What's wrong with you?" His anger erupted like a volcano: "What's wrong with Me?! What's wrong with You?!" He said it with such a look of rage, it made me take a few steps backwards, away from him... Seeing my shocked expression, Al apologized immediately and I made light of his outburst, saying it reminds me of the way my brother and I used to 'communicate', when we were kids..."Yes" Al said: "It makes me think of all the fights I used to have with my older brother Lewis"...
Later, when I reflected on this exchange; I began to criticize and blame myself for judging Al... "After all, his mother is very ill and he must feel guilty and frustrated, to be so far away from her! It is only natural to have an 'Emotional Outburst' from time to time... "I made up my mind, not to take it personally and was showering him with love and tenderness... Al grew up in Paterson N.J, in a small Jewish Community, where he and his friends socializing and celebrating their "Bar Mitzva" (Becoming Thirteen years old) in the Jewish Cdenter... Besides prayers in the Temple, there was a place for Teen Angers, to socialize and celebrate the"Bar Mitzva"; the time they turned thirteen... It was a kind of "Coming of Age celebration", which came several years before they would be gusts, at each other's engagement parties and later, their weddings celebrations...
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| Hilton Hotel |
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one of the beaches
in Puerto Rico
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At thirty three, Al was the
only one in his group of friend, who was still single and was often teased about it... Six months after we
met, four couples of his closest friends, came for a visit to Puerto Rico! I
liked them right away! We had a wonderful time together; lounging on beach chairs next to their hotel, talking joking and laughing... Al and I took his friends to a few of the Casinos and introduced them to our new Israeli friends Ellie and Yedida, who invited tus all to an Israeli dinner at their home, where we all sang Israeli songs after dinner...Al and I took our gusts to Night Clubs, Shows and several 'Tourist Attractions'... We spent most of our time on the beach or by the pool; arguing and laughing non stop... At one point Alvin said:
"Shira I would like you to
know that the reason we all came here, on this vacation; is to 'Check you out, so we make sure you are suited for Al, our last Single Friend... I am glad to tell you Shira, that you passed the Test and all of us approve of you! So tell us; When is the Wedding?!" I looked at Alvin, smiled sweetly and said: "
I am very faltered to have past the test... Regarding your second question; why don't you ask your 'Last single friend Al' to tell you about the day of the Wedding and when you find out, please let me know!"
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Emil Deitsch
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Clara Deitsch
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Al was flying to N.J every other month... His mother's prognosis was not good...The doctors predicted that with Chemotherapy treatments, she may be able to live for another year... After he came back, Al told me that his parents decided to come for a visit, to
Puerto Rico (in spite of his mom's serious illness) in order to meet me... Al's dad, Emil ("Mandy" as his wife called him) adored his wife and was
devastated by her illness! He was a Hard working man," who's life Xrevolved around a the successful Dairy Business, his older brother Jack started... The brothers never 'dreamt', their small company would grow beyond any of their expectations!
"Only in America!" Al's Dad was saying proudly! "Only in this amazing country!"
At one point, his parents came to Paurto Rico to meet me... The four of us spent pleasant days togther driving around the city, looking at Tourists Attractions or just 'Hanging Out' in Al's large Condominum Apartmet... During some of our trips, Al's His mother excused herself, asking us to take her back to Al's Condo; where she could lie down and rest for a while... At one point, the four of us spent the evening at Al's place. It was getting late and I was
ready to go back to my apartment... As I was saying my
goodbye Clara gave me a hug:"Pleas come to visit us in New Jersey, Shira...She said, and then whispered in my ear: "I Know that everything between
you two, will work out!" Al, who was standing on the other side of the room; came over, Xlooking at the two of us with suspicion.X"What are you two talking about?!" He asked with suspicion..."We are talking about You Darling!" I said with a smile,"What else do we have in common?!" Al's parents began to laugh and the two us joined in...
After driving his parents to their hotel, we entered my small apartment and set down, facing one another... Al was sitting at the edge of the chair and seemed to be 'a bit nervous'... We talked abou the evening and I asked him if his parents had a good
time in Puerto Rico... "Yes they did, but my mom is annoyed and wouldn't talk to me!" Al said with a strange expression, almost as if he was a frightened child..." Realy? why not? Didn't she like Puerto Rico?" I asked surprised... X"Yes, they bouth but my mom wouldn't talk to me, for the past two days,X because she wants me to ask you to marry me"... He answer... "So why don't you?" I asked, trying hard not to laugh... Al looked at me like a frightened little boy..."You mean you will agree?" He finally said..."Of course I will Dummy!" I said, surprise to realize he was afraid I will say 'No'..."XDon't you know by now how much I love you?"x We drove back to Al's place and shared the news with his delighted parents... After the shrieks of joy, excitement, laughter, tears, hugs and kisses; Al's mother took off her diamond ring, saying it belonged to her 'Mother in law' (Al's Grand Mother) who gifted it to her, for her engagement...."Now I am passing it on to you, Shira !" Clara said, wiping off her tears..."But I Can Not take Your Engagement Ring!" I said "Don't worry!" Al's father was laughing:"I bought Clara another ring, with a much larger stone!" Without saying a ward, Al took the ring and put it on my
finger... We looked into each other and began to laugh: We were
engaged!
Three weeks later, we flew again to Al's home in Paterson N.J... Aunt Nettie and uncle Irwin, Clara's brother and his wife, hosted our engagement party in their home; where I met Steve, Al's younger brother and his older brother Lewis, his wife Nancy and their two sons Glen and Darryl. I was also introduced to Clara's brother Uncle Sam, his wife aunt Rhoda and their son and daughter; Vicky and Larry... It would take a while, before I was able to memorize all the names, of my new family members... Eventually, after Al and I flew back to Puerto Rico and developed the photogras, he wrote the names on the back, in order for me to memorize them in time for our wedding...
Engagement Party with some of Al's Family
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Mom
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Dad |
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Irwin
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Netty |
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Louis
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Nancy |
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Murray
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Roselyn |
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Glenn
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Darrel |
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Sam
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Rhoda |
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Marcia
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Steve |
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Larry
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Vicky |
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Several days after the engagement party, Alvin and Mala invited us to their home, with the rest of Al's friends, in order to celebrate our engagement... The men were
teasing Al for finally 'being caugh' in the 'Marriage Trap', just like they were ten years earlier..."Wait until the
babies arrive and you wouldn't be able to sleep at night!" They teased us.. It was a wounderful party, full of laughter and love.
Engagement Party with Al's closest Friends
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Alvin
and
Mala |
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Ray
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Harriet |
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Jack
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Louise |
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Herbie
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Myra |
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Joel
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Marylin |
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Jay
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Elaine
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All week long, we were taken out to fancy restaurants, by Al's older cousins and close friends, to celebrate our engagement... It felt as if we were floating on a cloud of happiness and were sweeping every one else with us! Gifts were arriving daily at Al's parents home...When I expressed my surprise that in America, gifts are being sent Before the wedding', I was told that these were just the engagement
gifts, the wedding gifts would come later!"...
Clara and I would sit and talk for hours... She told me about her
childhood in the lower East Side of Manhattan, about her father, who
immigrated by himself from Russia to the U.S, shortly after she was born, leaving her and the baby with her parents... He worked as a Carpenter
for a year and saved enough money to buy"Boat Tickets", for his wife and the small child, to come from Russia to the U.S. Clara was teling me about the two bedroom apartment, she shared with her three brothers,
sister and hard working parents,who "Saved every penny" so she
could take Piano Lessons...Two years later, they brought their entire family from the Lower East Side of N.Y, to live next to them in New Jersey."In those years Jewish families used to help one another!" She told me how her In-Law's ,helped her father and brothers, open a Carpentry Shop, which would eventually became a very large and successful furniture company...
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| Al and Lewis |
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Baby Stephen
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Clara enjoyed talking about the
years when the "Boys" were small... She shared with me funny stories
about Al... like the time she and her husband were out with friends and Al , who was six years old; called the police to
report that his elder brother Lewis, "Stole his bicycles"... and demanded they come and put him in Jail... She also told me about
the day she announced to her two boys, that another baby is going to join the family, asking them not to tell it to anyone yet... To which Al who was five years old, responded: "
Is it o.k if I tell Daddy?"
At her request, I shared with Clara my family's history: How my Grand Parents came from Russia to Israel, the difficulties they were facing, the constant wars with our Arab neighbors, the two years of my service in the army, my arrival to the University of Huston in Texas and later, my move to N.Y.C... Clara and I were getting to know each other intimately... At one point she asked with a
shy smile if I would call her 'Mom': "Unless you feel it may offend your mother!" I told her there was no reason to worry, since the ward 'Mom' in Hebrew; is 'Ima'... From that moment on I called Al's parents Mom and Dad... Two days
before returning to Puerto Rico, Clara's best friend took me
aside and reviled what Clara said to her a few days before... X"Shira is my Moment of Happiness!"... We were asked by her to choose a date for the wedding as Soon as Possible! " We all knew why... It was decided that Aunt Roslyn, Clara's sister, would help me prepare for the 'Big Day'! I was taken to some of
the finest stores in Manhattan, to select our 'China', Silverware and Glassware, so our gusts, would be able to get their gifts for the wedding... It was all New to me; I felt a bit of a"Culture Shock, as I was looking at the prices and was introduced to 'Brand Names' which I have never heard before... I was told that our gusts, would be choosing their gifts for the wedding from the list Al and I would preaper...XI was concerned that some of the more "Fragile gifts, may break on the way back to Puerto Rico; like the fancy and expensive cups and plates and he began to laugh..." Well, I guss we we must take a Special Insurance for such
cases, don't we?"
I knew that Al's family owned a Dairy Business, but
only after talking to his cousin Marcia, I found out how large it really was... Marcia and I were about the same age
and from the moment we met, we felt a strong connection and love! She told me that what I thought Al's father's 'Small Family Business', was not as small as I believed it was, but rather a Large Company; created by Al's older uncle Jack and two partners in the East Coast...The New Company distributed milk and milk products, to Markets all
over N.J and was planening to spread to Manhatten, accrose the bridge! On my part, instead of being very impressed, I became 'A bit concerned'...Materialism, was not the way I was brought up! on the countrery; My Veterinarian Parents were always
stressing the importance of a 'Modest Life' and the need to resist the temptations of Luxury... "Showing off", they said,"Creates 'Toxic emotions of Jealousy and Resentment in others"...They tried to teach my
brother and me, that rather then"Worship Money" and accumulate more possessions; we should be grateful for what we have: "Always help those who are 'Less fortunate' then you and try to help them, as much as
you can!" They were telling us...
I began to notice Al's attachment to 'Designers Clothes', expensive cars,' High End' furniture and 'Brand name items'... I became a bit concerned that this difference between us, may create disagreements about our lifestyle in the years to come... I felt very uncomfortable when people were commenting on the Size of the diamond, in my Engagement Ring', saying that for me, the importance of the Ring, was not the size of the Diamond, but the fact it once belonged to Al's Grandmother... "Why do
you have to say that?" Al asked me puzzled..."Because it is true!" I said, trying to figure out the reason for what seemed to be his 'Annoyance'. After calming down, Al gave me a hug, stroked my hair and said in a 'Patronizing' voice' "I understand darling, it is all so new for you... After all Israel is relatively a poor, small, young country I am sure that soon you will change your mind, about Fine Jewelry and other Luxuries!" "Would you like to have a 'Bet' darling? "X I said "I will Never let anything or anyone change me, not even you; unless I ask for it!" I never did...
The weeks before the wedding, were intense and full of Excitement ! At the same
time, we were very sad and concerned about Clara's deteriorating health... However, the expectation and preparation for our
wedding, seemed to help her put away for awhile, the thoughts about her illness...We gave her free hand in choosing the right place for the
wedding, the style of the invitations, finding the proper Florist, a Band and Photographer... All we had to do, is to be responsible for the the sitting
arraignment and Invitations to the few gusts from P.R and the small group of my Israeli friends in N.Y. When we arrived to Al's parents home, two weeks before
the wedding; his mother seemed Radiant... It was hard to believe how ill
she realy was...
Back in San Juan there were more parties... One was given by Al's friends, the second by parents of my students and a third by our proud "Matchmakers" Barbra and Spencer... I was Stunned to get a letter from Paul; who wrote to let me know he was divorcing his wife, realizing his marriage was a "Terrible Mistake!" He was getting ready to start his
first post as an Ambassador, in one of the African Countries and was hinting at the possibility, of the two of us getting back
together... For several moments, painful memories began to surface and I
felt a sharp, stabbing Pain of missing him... I was shocked to discover that the pain over our separation, which I believed was gone forever; was still there! I forced it to go by reminding myself, how grateful I should be, for
the 'Gift of love and happiness', I was now sharing with 'Albie'; the new man destiny brought to my life, as well as his warm, loving family and group of friends I will learn that it may take some time, to completley let go, of the 'old pain' over Paul, woundering if it ever will... My parents and brother Rami, started to plan the trip for our wedding... Dalia, My 'Sister in law' who was expecting their third Child; had to stay home... It would be my parents and brother's first time to travel out of Israel and their excitement was a reason for a great Joy...
With Love and Light,
Shira
small "band"anof a drum ,an accordion, would play 'Tango','Cha,cha,cha' Pasedoble' and Waltz;('Valls') as the Israelis pronounce it...) Couples would rush to the dance floor, followed by the kids,who joined in the Merriment... They were sliding on the floor, between the dancing couples, stepping on each other's toes, shirking in pain and joy and being reprimanded by their moms, until the evening Dinner which was self served, from a long tables at the end of the room, where children were pushing each other.. 
