♪ "Love and Marriage, go together like a Horse and Carriage" ♪. V, Fix... Blue and photos below OOV

Hello everyone, 

   My parents and brother Rami, arrived from Israel for our wedding two weeks before, The weather was "Freezing Cold"! My Israeli friend Zeav, invited them, as well as Eli and Yedida, to stay in his spacious apartment in N.Y, while he moved to the hospital, were he worked as a doctor...The first thing the five of them did, was to buy warmer coats, gloves and scarves, before embarking on several"Sight Seeing tours" visiting the famous places, they all heard about: The Empire State Building, Radio City, China Town and other Tourists destinations... Lewis, Al's older brother offered to take my father, Rami and Elli, to rent tuxedos; which in Israel one could only see only in the movies... 

 

   When I was a child, the weddings in Israel were rather simple... People would be standing outside        the synagogue, or the wedding place; holding candles and waiting for the bride and groom to show up Four men (usually family members) were holding the poles of the 'Chupa' ( Marriage Canopy) as the Rabbi, was performing the ceremony... After the final blessings the Groom would crush an empty wine glass with his shoe: " In order to remember the Destruction of the old Temple in Jerusalem". The guests would yell: "Mazel Tov!" (Good Luck) and shove each other, in order to lift up the 'Newly weds', who were sitting on two chairs and begin dancing with them...    1 Photo below. X

.  XPhotos below.

   Dinner was waiting on two long tables, across the wall: It was Self Served... There was a variety of   food and bottles of orange and grapefruit juice, soda water, sweet black beer, regular beer and the mild Israeli wine... Men, with 'Open shirts' (no ties) were loudly greeting friends and relatives, they haven't seen for awhile. Women would be exchanging 'Loud News', with those who sat on the opposite side of   the room and mothers, were frantically,looking for their shirking children; who were chasing each other were  running all over the room or hide under the tables... Eventually the music started  and every one ran to the dance floor for the traditional Israeli dance; The 'Hora'... 

 

 

                                                                                                                                                                  

 small "band"anof a drum ,an accordion, would  play 'Tango','Cha,cha,cha' Pasedoble' and Waltz;('Valls') as the Israelis pronounce it...) Couples would rush to the dance floor, followed by the kids,who joined in the Merriment... They were sliding on the floor, between the dancing couples, stepping on each other's toes, shirking in pain and joy and being reprimanded by their moms, until the evening Dinner which was self served, from a long tables at the end of the room, where children were pushing each other.. 

 

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1

Al signs the
marriage contract

Shira approves

   Our wedding took place at the exclusive Alpine Country Club, in New Jersey and was 'quiet different' from those I remember during my childhood in Israel....The gold engraved invitations   The invitation asked for 'Black Tie' (which was not known in Israel) Al's brothers, Lewis and Steve took my father and brother to rent tuxedos (which Israelis have seen only in the movies) A day before the big event, the Deitsch and Cohen families, had "Rehearsals", in order to be more familiar with the protocol of the wedding, on the following day. We were told that Al and I would meet with the rabbi in order to sign documents and later on with the photographer, in order to take formal photos of the bride, groom and all their family members... According to tradition, the two mothers would 'help' cover the bride's face with a veil and lead her to the flower decorated Marriage Canopy and her future husband, to get married

	Shira's family	The Bride	The mothers and the bride	Bride and Groom	Al's family

  The family members, had to learn how to walk with measured steps, in tune with the music, towards the wedding canopy, which was situated at the middle of the room... My brother Rami, with my mother on his arm, would be the first to walk... Next would be Al's parents, followed by his brothers Lewis and Steven My father and I would be the last to walk towards Al, who would be waiting at the end of the Isle and lead me to the "Chupa"; where the wedding ceremony would take place... For my parents, Rami and myself, it was all new... We we were careful not to make eye contact during the rehearsal, fearing we may begin  to laugh out of control, as we often did after listening to a funny joke, or be in a ridiculous situation... 

	On the way to the Chupa	Under the Chupa	Mr. and Mrs. Deitsch...

 .

Cutting the cake

Tasting...

   I can not remember too many details from the wedding, besides my  worry that my family (including myself) forget to count the steps to    the "Chupa", stumble and ruin the solemnity of the moment...  I was trying to suppress my laughter when my dad "handed me over" to Al and said to him with a comical sigh of relief: "Thank you Al and Good Luck!I recall the photographer instructing us to feed each other with a  slice of the Huge 'Wedding Cake' and was snapping photos. He also asked us to stand behind the tables of our guests and family members and was taking more photos of us and some of the gusts, who were happily clapping hands, singing and dancing at the center of the room....

 

Dancing the Hora

First dance

   It seemed that whenever I was turning my head, this 'Annoying Photographer' was there with his camera...After our first formal    dance as a married couple, I found myself dancing with some of my new 'family members: Brother-in-law, uncles and Cousins as  well as with our friends an other 'strangers'... Al and I were swept by my enthusiastic Israeli friends, to dance the traditional Israeli  dance the"Hora" and were congratulating me for my choice of a husband: "Al is realy a great guy, just like a regular Israeli!" They told me...  When I was finally able to see my mom alone, for a moment, she was looking at her watch and say:"I wish this evening will never come to an end!" My father and brother, were complaining that their Neckties were choking them; asking if they could take it off...As the evening was coming to an end, my friend Yedida came over and asked me what do I wish for now, that I was a married woman.."All I want  right now Yedida, is to take of this dress and go go to sleep" I answered... 

 

The exhausted
couple

A trip through
Central Park

  Al and I spent our 'Wedding Night' at the Plaza Hotel in Manhattan The next morning, we took a 'Romantic Ride' through Central Park, in one of the decorated carriages, hitched to a well-groomed horse... Two days later we flew back to Puerto Rico... Eli and Yedida insisted that my parents and brother stay at their home, rather then be by themselves in Al's Condo and were showing them the 'High Lights' of Puerto Rico while Al and I were be going on a One Week Honeymoon, on a cruise ship, around the Caribbean Islands...

 

Wife

Husband

    Three months later, when I went to see a new doctor for a routine check up, I was answering several questions in the questioner... One of them was:"Your closest relative". My hand, which was holding the pen, froze in mid air... "Oh my God!" I was thinking, "I can't believe it... Al is my Closest Relative now!" So it seemed that the 'Real experience of Bonding' with my husband, which should have taken place as we stood under the wedding canopy; hit me for the first time, in San Juan, Puerto Rico; in the small waiting room of a doctor I have never seen before... I couldn't wait to come back home and tell my new husband: "Guess what Albie! You are now my Closest Relative! Can you believe it?"                                      

 

With Love and Light,

Shira

Getting engaged. V, XXX O.K V

Hello everyone,

    A few days after Al came back from New Jersey, he asked me to move in with him, but I refused...  Most of the time I ended up staying over his place, which was much larger then mine and had lovely   view of the water... I told him I was not moving with anyone, unless I was a hundred percent sure he    was the One for me...  To my great surprise Al took offense and for the first time, I was able to see a     part of him, I did not noticed before... At times, he would sink into a 'Dark Mood'  where he would be becoming silent and disconnected... At one point, when he seemed very withdrawn, I told him:"What's going on Al? What's wrong with you?" His anger erupted like a volcano:What's wrong with Me? What's wrong with You?!X" He said it with such a look of rage, it made me take a few steps backwards... when Al saw my shocked expression he apologized immediately and I made light of his outburst, saying it reminds me of the way, my brother and I used to 'communicate', when we were kids..."Yes" Al said: "It makes me think of the fights I used to have with my older brother Lewis"...

   Later, when I reflected on this exchange,wondering about Al's sharp reaction, I criticize and blame myself for judging him..."After all his mother is very ill and he must feel guilty and frustrated, to be so   far away from her! It is only natural to have an 'Emotional Outburst' from time to time; especially now when his mother is so sick!... I made up my mind not to take his anger personally and treated him with tenderness... Al grew up in Paterson N.J, in a small Jewish Community,where the young Teenagers socialized and celebrated their "Bar Mitzva" (Becoming Thirteen years old) at the local Jewish temple Besides studding Bible and Jewish studies, the kids in the local Temple, socialize and celebrate their    "Bar and Bat Mitzva", when they turned thirteen years old.

Hilton  Hotel 

one of the beaches
in Puerto Rico

  At thirty three, Al was the only one in his group of friend, who  was still single and was often teased about it... Six months after    we met, four couples of his closest friends came to  Puerto Rico       for a visit... I liked them right away! We had a wonderful time together; lounging on the beach chairs next to the hotel, talking  joking and laughing... Al and I took his friends to few Casinos    and introduced them to our new Israeli friends, Ellie and Yedida, who invited all of us for an Israeli dinner at their home... We went to Night Clubs, Shows and  gambled in the casinos, as well as several other Tourist Attractions', spending most of our time, by the beach or the pool and were arguing and laughing non stop... At one point Alvin said:"Shira, I would like you to know, that the reason we all came here on this Vacation, is to 'Check you out' and make sure, you are suited for Al, our last Single Friend! I am glad to tell you Shira, that you 'Passed the Test' and all of us approve of you!  So please tell us when is the Wedding?!" I looked at Alvin, smiled sweetly and said: "I am very faltered that I past the test, as far your question, why don't you ask your 'Last single friend Al', when is he going to propose to me and let me know! "         

      

 

Emil Deitsch

Clara Deitsch

  Al was flying to N.J every other month... His mother's prognosis was not good...The doctors predicted that with Chemotherapy treatments, she may be able to live for another year...  At one point, after Al came back,he told  me, that his parents decided to come for a visit to Puerto Rico (in spite of his mom's serious illness) in order to meet me... Emil, Al's dad, adored his wife and was devastated by her illness! He was a hard working man and his life revolved around a the family Dairy Business, which would grow beyond any of their expectations!  "Only in America!" Al's Dad would often say: "Only in this amazing country, people could  have so many opportunities for successes! Only in this country of the United Stats of America!

 

   At one point Al's  parents came to Puerto Rico in order to to meet me... The four of us spent pleasant days together, driving around the city, looking at Tourists Attractions or just 'Hanging Out' in Al's  large Condominium Apartment... During some of our trips, Al's mother excused herself, asking us to take her back to Al's Condo; where she could lie down and rest for a while... At one point, the four of us, spent the evening at Al's place, when I noticed it was rather late and I should be going to my apartment... As I was saying my goodbye, Clara gave me a hug: "Please come to visit us in New Jersey, Shira!",x  she whispered in my ear :"I Know that everything between  the two of you will work out!" She said. Al, who was standing on the other side of the room, came over, X and was  looking at us with suspicion..."What are  the two of you talking about?!" He asked. "We are talking about You Darling!" I said with a smile,"What else your parents and I, have may in common?!" His parents began to laugh and the two us joined in...

 

  After driving his parents to their hotel, we entered my small apartment and set down, facing one another Al was sitting at the edge of the chair and seemed to be to be Nervous... We talked about the evening and  I asked him if his parents had a good time in Puerto Rico...X"Yes they did, but my mom is annoyed and wouldn't talk to me!" AL answered with a strange expression, almost as if he was a frightened child." Why not? X didn't she like Puerto Rico?" I asked surprised... X"Yes, they bouth did, but my mom wouldn't talk to me X because she wants me to ask you to marry me".X He answer..."So why don't you?"I  asked, trying hard not to laugh... Al  was looking at me, as if he was a frightened little boy: "You mean you will agree?" He finally said..."Of course I will, Dummy!" I answered...  I was surprised to realize, he was afraid I would say 'No'..."X Don't you know by now how much I love you?!"x We drove back to Al's place and shared the news with his delighted parents... After the shrieks of joy, excitement, tears, laughter, hugs  and kisses Al's mother took off her diamond ring, saying it belonged to her 'Mother in law' (Al's Grand Mother) who gifted it to her for their engagement...."Now I am passing it on to you, Shira !" Clara said, wiping off her tears..."How can I take your engagement ring?!" I protested! "Don't worry!" Al's father said,  "Years ago  I bought Clara another ring, with a much larger stone!" Without saying a ward Al took the ring and put it on my finger...We looked at each other and began to laugh: We were engaged!

   Three weeks later, we flew to Al's home in Paterson N.J... Aunt Nettie and uncle Irwin, Clara's brother and his wife, hosted our engagement party in their home; where I met Steve, Al's younger brother and his older brother Lewis, his wife Nancy and their two sons Glen and  Darryl. I was introduced to uncle Sam Clara's brother, his wife, aunt Rhoda and their son and daughter; Vicky and Larry... It would take a while before I was able to memorize all the names of my new family members.After Al and I flew back to Porto  Rico and developed the photographs, he wrote the names on the bac of the photos, so I would be able to memorize them in time for our wedding...

Engagement Party with some of Al's Family

 

	Mom & Dad					Irwin & Netty
	Louis & Nancy					Murray & Roselyn
	Glenn & Darrel					Sam & Rhoda
	Marcia & Steve					Larry & Vicky

 

   Several days after the engagement party, Al's close friends Alvin and Mala, invited us to their home,with the rest of Al's friends, in order to celebrate our engagement...The men were teasing Al, for "finally being  caught in the 'Marriage Trap', just like they were, ten years earlier..."Wait until the babies arrive and you wouldn't sleep at night!" They teased us... It was a lovely party, full of laughter, joy and love

 

Engagement Party with Al's closest Friends

 

		Alvin and Mala				Ray and Harriet
		Jack and Louise				Herbie and Myra
		Joel and Marylin				Jay and Elaine

 

   All week long we were taken out to fancy restaurants, by Al's older cousins and close friends, to celebrate our engagement... It felt as if we were floating on a cloud of happiness and were sweeping  everyone else with us! Gifts were arriving daily at Al's parents home...When I expressed my surprise        that in America, gifts are being sent 'Before the wedding', I was told that these were just the engagement gifts; the wedding gifts would come later...

    Clara and I would sit and talk for hours... She told me about her childhood in the lower 'East Side'         of Manhattan, which her father, who immigrated by himself from Russia to the U.S, shortly after she    was born, leaving his wife and the baby with her parents... Her father worked as a Carpenter for a year  saving enough money, to buy the "Boat Tickets" for his wife and the small child, who came from Russia  to the U.S.... Clara told me about the two small bedrooms apartment, she shared with her three sister, three brothers and their Hard Working parents; who"Saved every penny", so she could take Piano lessons... A years later, they would bring their entire family, from the Lower East Side, to live next to them, in New Jersey: "During that time, Jewish families used to help one another!" Her 'In-Law'  helped her father and brothers to open a Carpentry Shop, which would eventually become a large and  very successful Furniture Company...

 

Al and Lewis

Baby Stephen

   Clara enjoyed talking about the years when the "Boys were small" She shared with me funny stories about Al; like the time she and her husband were out with friends and Al, who was six years old, called  the police, to report that his older brother Lewis:"Stole his bikes!" And demanded they come and put him in Jail... She also told me about the day she announced to her two boys, that another baby is going to join the family; asking them not to tell it to anyone yet... To which Al, who was five years old responded: "Is it O.K if I tell Daddy?" 

   At her request I shared with Clara my family's history: How my   Grand Parents came from Russia to Israel, the difficulties they were facing, the constant wars with the Arab neighbors, the two years of my service in the army, my arrival to the University of Huston in Texas and later, my move to N.Y.C... Clara and I were getting to know each other intimately. At one point Clara asked with a shy smile, if I would call her 'Mom':"Unless you feel it may offend your mother!" She sad.X"There is no reason to worry," I told her "since in Hebrew,  the ward Mom is 'Ima'!" From that moment on, I called Al's parents Mom and Dad... Three days before returning to Puerto Rico, Clara's best friend, took me aside and reviled what Clara said to her, a few days before:X"Shira is my Moment of Happiness!" We were asked  by her to choose the wedding date: "As Soon as Possible!"... We didn't have to ask 'why', since we knew how ill she was...It was decided that Aunt Roslyn, Clara's sister, would  help me prepare for the 'Big Day'!  She took me to some of the finest stores in Manhattan, in order to select our 'China, Silverware and other 'Glassware'      so our gusts, would be able to choose their gifts for the wedding... It was all new to me and I felt a kind   of "Culture Shock", as I was looking at the prices of 'Brand names', which  I have never seen before. I was told that our gusts, would be choosing their gifts from the list, which Al and I would prepare.X When    I expressed my concern that some of the the"Fragile gifts', may break on the way to Puerto Rico (like the expensive cups and plates) Al began to laugh;" We may have to take a 'Special Insurance for such a case!" X He said in a ton x  which made me feel 'a bit unsophisticated'...

 

   I knew that Al's family owned a Dairy Business, but only after talking to his cousin Marcia, I found      how large it really was... She told me, that what I thought was Al's father's 'Small Family Business', was not as small as I believed it was, but rather a very Large Company, created by Al's uncle Jack and his two brothers...The New Company which was distributing milk and milk products, to Markets all over N.J and was planning to spread to Manhatten, across the bridge! Instead of being impressed, I began to feel a bit concerned: Materialism, was not quiet the way I was brought up! On the contrary: My Vegetarian parents were always stressing the importance of a 'Modest Life' and the need to resist the temptations of lagury. x The need of Showing off  may create 'Toxic Emotions of Jealousy and Resentments! They also said how worshiping Money and accumulating more and more possessions, were not the way to have the peace of  mind which people are looking for in order to be grateful and happy! 

 

  I began to notice Al's attachment to 'designers Clothes,  expensive cars, furniture and 'Brand  Name' items and became a bit concerned, that this difference between us, may create disagreements about our lifestyle... I  began to feel very uncomfortable, when people were commenting on the size of the diamond of my Engagement Ring, saying, that for me, the importance of the ring, was not the 'Size of the dimond  Diamond', but rather the fact it once belonged to Al's Grandmother... "Why do you have to say that?" Al asked me puzzled..."Because it is true!" I said, trying to figure out the reason for his 'annoyance'... Al  gave me a hug, stroked my hair and said in a 'Patronizing voic:'"I think I understand darling; it is all so new for you; after all Israel is a small, young and poor country, I am sure that soon you will change your mind about Fine Jewelry and other Luxuris and begin to enjoy them!" He said."You don't realy kno me darling" XI answered, kissing him lightly on the forehead X"But  I am sure that we will learn more about each other as time goes by... 

 

  The weeks before the wedding were intense and full of excitement! However, we were very concerned about Al's mother deteriorating health...The preparation for our wedding, seemed to help for a while, to calm down our thoughts and concerns about her illness...Clara asked us to give her a free hand, to choose the style of the Invitations and the proper Florist and be responsible for the Band and the Photographer, as well as the sitting arraignment and the  invitations for the few gusts from Puerto Rico and the small group of my Israeli friends in N.Y...  When we arrived to Al's parents home, two weeks before the wedding, his mother was radiant! It was hard to believe how ill she was...But we knew it was "Only a matter of time'' and this knowledge clouded our joy...

 

  Back in San Juan there were more parties... One was given by Al's friends, the second by parents of my students and a third, by our proud "Matchmakers" Barbra and Spencer... I was Stunned to get a letter from Paul, letting me know  he was  he was divorcing his wife, realizing his marriage was a "Terrible Mistake!" He was getting ready to start his first post as an Ambassador, in one of the African Countries, sugesting  that the two of us getting back together...  Painful memories began to surface and I felt a sharp stabbing Pain of missing him... I was shocked to discover, that the pain over our separation, I believed was gone forever; was still there and 'Forced it to leave', by reminding myself how grateful I should be, for the 'Gift of love and happiness', which I was now sharing with "Albie" my new man, which destiny has brought to my life, together with his warm loving family and group of friends...I also realized, that it may take some time to let go  completely, of the 'Pain over Paul' and was wondering if it ever will... My parent and my brother Rami, began to plan the trip for our wedding... Dalia, my 'Sister in  law', who was expecting their third Child, stayed home... It would be my parents and brother's first time trip, out of Israel and their joy and excitement added was aded to my  hapiness! 

With Love and Light,

Shira