Getting engaged. V, XXX O.K

Hello everyone,

    A few days after Al came back from New Jersey, he asked me to move in with him, but I refused...  Most of the time I ended up staying over his place, which was much larger then mine and had lovely   view of the water... I told him I was not moving with anyone, unless I was a hundred percent sure he    was the One for me...  To my great surprise Al took offense and for the first time, I was able to see a     part of him, I did not noticed before... At times, he would sink into a 'Dark Mood'  where he would be becoming silent and disconnected... At one point, when he seemed very withdrawn, I told him:"What's going on Al? What's wrong with you?" His anger erupted like a volcano:What's wrong with Me? What's wrong with You?!X" He said it with such a look of rage, it made me take a few steps backwards... when Al saw my shocked expression he apologized immediately and I made light of his outburst, saying it reminds me of the way, my brother and I used to 'communicate', when we were kids..."Yes" Al said: "It makes me think of the fights I used to have with my older brother Lewis"...

   Later, when I reflected on this exchange,wondering about Al's sharp reaction, I criticize and blame myself for judging him..."After all his mother is very ill and he must feel guilty and frustrated, to be so   far away from her! It is only natural to have an 'Emotional Outburst' from time to time; especially now when his mother is so sick!... I made up my mind not to take his anger personally and treated him with tenderness... Al grew up in Paterson N.J, in a small Jewish Community,where the young Teenagers socialized and celebrated their "Bar Mitzva" (Becoming Thirteen years old) at the local Jewish temple Besides studding Bible and Jewish studies, the kids in the local Temple, socialize and celebrate their    "Bar and Bat Mitzva", when they turned thirteen years old ("Coming of Age")

Hilton  Hotel 

one of the beaches
in Puerto Rico

  At thirty three, Al was the only one in his group of friend who  was still single and was often teased about it... Six months after    we met, four couples of his closest friends, came to  Puerto Rico       for a visit... I liked them right away! We had a wonderful time together; lounging on the beach chairs next to the hotel, talking  joking and laughing... Al and I took his friends to few Casinos    and introduced them to our new Israeli friends, Ellie and Yedida, who invited us for an Israeli dinner at their home... We also went to Night Clubs, Shows, gambling in the casinos and several other Tourist Attractions'... We spent most of our time by the beach or the pool, arguing and laughing    non stop... At one point Alvin said:"Shira, I would like you to know, that the reason we came here on this Vacation, is to 'Check you out and make sure, you are suited for Al, our last Single Friend! I am glad to tell you Shira, that you 'Passed the Test' and all of us approve of you!  So tell us when is the Wedding?!"    I looked at Alvin, smiled sweetly and said: "I am very faltered I past the test... Regarding your question why don't you ask your 'Last single friend Al', when is he going to propose to me and let me know! "         

      

 

Emil Deitsch

Clara Deitsch

  Al was flying to N.J every other month... His mother's prognosis was not good...The doctors predicted that with Chemotherapy treatments, she may be able to live for another year...  At one point, after he came back, he told  me that his parents decided to come for a visit to Puerto Rico (in spite of his mom's serious illness) in order to meet me... Emil, Al's dad, adored his wife and was devastated by her illness! He was a hard working man,who's life revolved around a the family Dairy Business, his older brother Jack built up... The two of them never 'dreamt' that their small company, would grow beyond any of their expectations!"Only in America!" Al's Dad would say proudly:"Only in this amazing country!"

 

   At one point his parents came to Puerto Rico to meet me... The four of us spent pleasant days together driving around the city, looking at Tourists Attractions or just 'Hanging Out' in Al's  large Condominium Apartment... During some of our trips, Al's mother excused herself, asking us to take her back to Al's Condo; where she could lie down and rest for a while... At one point the four of us spent the evening at Al's place when I noticed it was rather late, and I should go be going to my apartment... As I was saying  my goodbye, Clara gave me a hug: "Pleas come to visit us in New Jersey, Shira, then whispered in my ear "I Know that everything between you two will work out!" She said. Al who was standing on the other side of the room, came over, X and was  looking at us with suspicion..."What are you two talking about?!" He asked. "We are talking about You Darling!" I said with a smile,"What else your parents and I have may in common?!" His parents began to laugh and the two us joined in...

 

  After driving his parents to their hotel, we entered my small apartment and set down, facing one another Al was sitting at the edge of the chair and seemed to be to be Nervous... We talked about the evening and  I asked him if his parents had a good time in Puerto Rico... X"Yes they did, but my mom is annoyed and wouldn't talk to me!" He  answered with a strange expression, almost as if he was a frightened child... X"Rely? Why not? X didn't she like Puerto Rico?" I asked surprised... X"Yes, they bouth did, but my mom wouldn't talk to me X because she wants me to ask you to marry me".X He answer..."So why don't you?"I  asked, trying hard not to laugh... Al  was looking at me as if he was a frightened little boy: "You mean you will agree?" He finally said..."Of course I will Dummy!" I answered...  I was surprised to realize he was afraid I would say 'No'..."X Don't you know by now how much I love you?!"x We drove back to Al's place and shared the news with his delighted parents... After the shrieks of joy, excitement, tears, laughter, hugs  and kisses; Al's mother took off her diamond ring, saying it belonged to her 'Mother in law' (Al's Grand Mother) who gifted it to her for their engagement...."Now I am passing it on to you, Shira !" Clara said    wiping off her tears..."How can I take your engagement ring?!" I asked "Don't worry!" Al's father said  "Years ago I bought Clara another ring, with a much larger stone!" Without saying a ward Al took the ring and put it on my finger...We looked at each other and began to laugh: We were engaged!

   Three weeks later, we flew to Al's home in Paterson N.J... Aunt Nettie and uncle Irwin, Clara's brother and his wife, hosted our engagement party in their home; where I met Steve, Al's younger brother and his older brother Lewis, his wife Nancy and their two sons Glen and  Darryl. I was introduced to uncle Sam Clara's brother, his wife aunt Rhoda and their son and daughter; Vicky and Larry... It would take a while before I was able to memorize all the names of my new family members... After Al and I flew back to Puerto Rico and developed the photographs, he wrote the names on the back, so I would be able to memorize them in time for our wedding...

Engagement Party with some of Al's Family

 

	Mom & Dad					Irwin & Netty
	Louis & Nancy					Murray & Roselyn
	Glenn & Darrel					Sam & Rhoda
	Marcia & Steve					Larry & Vicky

 

   Several days after the engagement party,  his close friends Alvin and Mala, invited us to their home,with the rest of Al's friends, in order to celebrate our engagement... The men were teasing Al for being finally  "being  caught' in the 'Marriage Trap', just like they were ten years earlier..."Wait until the babies arrive and you wouldn't sleep at night!" They teased us... It was a lovely party; full of laughter, joy and love

 

Engagement Party with Al's closest Friends

 

		Alvin and Mala				Ray and Harriet
		Jack and Louise				Herbie and Myra
		Joel and Marylin				Jay and Elaine

 

   All week long, we were taken out to fancy restaurants, by Al's older cousins and close friends, to celebrate our engagement... It felt as if we were floating on a cloud of happiness and were sweeping  everyone else with us! Gifts were arriving daily at Al's parents home...When I expressed my surprise        that in America, gifts are being sent Before the wedding, I was told that these were just the engagement gifts; the wedding gifts would come later...

    Clara and I would sit and talk for hours... She told me about her childhood in the lower East Side of    Manhattan, her father who immigrated by himself from Russia to the U.S, shortly after she was born leaving his wife and the baby with her parents... Her father worked as a Carpenter for a year and saved enough money to buy the "Boat Tickets" for his wife and the small child, who came from Russia to the U.S.A... Clara told me about the two small bedrooms apartment, she shared with her three brothers, sister and Hard Working parents, who"Saved every penny" so she could take Piano Lessons... Later they would bring their entire family, from the Lower East Side, to live next to them in New Jersey"During that time Jewish families used to help one another!" She told me how her In-Law's, helped her father and brothers open a Carpentry Shop, which eventually became a very large and successful Furniture Company...

 

Al and Lewis

Baby Stephen

   Clara enjoyed talking about the years when the "Boys" were small... She shared with me funny stories about Al... like the time she and her husband, were out with friends and Al, who was six years old, called the police to report that his older brother Lewis:"Stole his bikes and was demanded they come and put him in Jail... She also told me about the day she announced to her two boys, that another baby is going to join the family; asking them not to tell it to anyone yet... To which Al who was five years old responded: "Is it O.K if I tell Daddy?" 

   At her request, I shared with Clara my family's history: How my   Grand Parents came from Russia to Israel, the difficulties they were facing, the constant wars with the Arab neighbors, the two years of my service in the army, my arrival to the University of Huston in Texas and later, my move to N.Y.C... Clara and I were getting to know each other intimately... At one point she asked with a shy smile, if I would call her 'Mom': "Unless you feel it may offend your mother!" I said there was no reason to worry;" In Hebrew the ward Mom is 'Ima'!... From that moment on I called Al's parents Mom and Dad. Three days before returning to Puerto Rico,Clara's best friend took me aside and reviled, what Clara said to her a few days before:X"Shira is my Moment of Happiness!"... We were asked by her, to choose the wedding date "As Soon as Possible!" (We didn't have to ask why)... It was decided, that Aunt Roslyn, Clara's sister, would  help me prepare for the 'Big Day'! I was taken to some of the finest stores in Manhattan, in order to select our 'China, Silverware and Glassware', so our gusts would be able to choose their gifts for the wedding    It was as all New to me... I felt a bit of a "Culture Shock", as I was looking at the prices of 'Brand names'  I have never heard before... I was told that our gusts would be choosing their gifts, from the list which Al and I would send them...X When I expressed my concern, that some of the the"Fragile gifts' may break on the way back to Puerto Rico..."; x(like the fancy and expensive cups and plates,) Al began to laugh;" We may have to take a Special Insurance for such cases."X which made me feel 'a bit' Unsophisticated'...

 

   I knew that Al's family owned a Dairy Business, but only after talking to his cousin Marcia, I found        out how large it really was... She told me that what I thought, was Al's father's 'Small Family Business'  was not as small as I believed it was, but rather a very Large Company, created by Al's older uncle Jack and his two brothers...The New Company distributed milk and milk products, to Markets all over  N.J   and was planning to spread to Manhatten; across the bridge! On my part, instead of being impressed         I became 'A bit concerned'... Materialism was not quiet the way I was brought up! On the contrary...     My Veterinarian Parents were always stressing the importance of a 'Modest Life' and the need to resist  the temptations of Luxury... "Showing off may creates 'Toxic emotions of Jealousy and Resentments!"  They said, worshiping Money and accumulating more and more possessions, was not the way to have      a modest life; people should be grateful for what they already have and"Help those who are not as fortunate!"... XThey were aid teling us repetedly.

 

  I began to notice Al's attachment to 'Designers Clothes', expensive cars,' High End' furniture and 'Brand  name' items and became a bit concerned, that this difference between us, may create disagreements about  our lifestyle in the years to come... I felt very uncomfortable when people were commenting, on the Size  of the diamond in my Engagement Ring' and was saying that for me, the importance of the Ring was not the 'size of the Diamond'  on my engagement ring; and said that as far as I am concerned, it is not the 'size', which is important, but the fact it once belonged to Al's Grandmother... "Why do you have to say that?" Al asked puzzled..."Because it is true!" I said, trying to figure out, the reason for his 'Annoyance' He gave me a hug, stroked my hair and said in a 'Patronizing' voice':"I think I understand darling, it is   all  so new for you... After all, Israel is relatively a small, youngand poor country, I am sure that soon  you will change your mind about Fine Jewelry and other Luxuries!"..."Would you like to 'have a 'Bet' darling? I don't usually allow anything or anyone, change me, not even you!" I said X kissing him lightly  

 

  The weeks before the wedding were Intense and full of Excitement! At the same time, we were very  concerned about Clara's deteriorating health... However, the expectation and preparation for our wedding seemed to help for awhile our  thoughts and concern about her illness... Clara asked us to give her a free hand, in choosing the style of the invitations and the proper Florist, and asked us to be responsible for the  Band and the Photographer as well as the sitting arraignment and invitations for the few gusts from Puerto Rico and the small group of my Israeli friends in N.Y...  When we arrived to Al's parents home, two weeks before the wedding; his mother was radiant! It was hard to believe how ill she was... However, we knew it was only a matter of time''' and this knowledge clouded our joy...

 

  Back in San Juan there were more parties... One was given by Al's friends, the second by parents of my students and a third by our proud "Matchmakers" Barbra and Spencer... I was Stunned to get a letter from Paul, which let me know he was divorcing his wife; realizing his marriage was a "Terrible Mistake!" He was getting ready to start his first post, as an Ambassador in one of the African Countries, hinting at the possibility of the two of us getting back together...  Painful memories began to surface and I felt a sharp stabbing Pain of missing him... I was shocked to discover that the pain over our separation, I believed was gone forever; was still there and  'Forced it' to leave, by reminding myself how grateful I should be, for  the 'Gift of love and happiness', I was now sharing with my'Albie'; the new man destiny brought to my life, as well as his warm loving family and group  of friends...I realized, it may take some time to let go   of the 'Pain over Paul; wondering if it ever will ... My  parents and brother Rami, began to plan the trip for our wedding... Dalia, my 'Sister in  law', who was expecting their third Child, stayed home...It would be my parents and brother's first time trip out of Israel and their excitement, added to my great Joy...

With Love and Light,

Shira