Hello everyone,
A few days after Al came back from New Jersey, he asked me to move in with him, but I refused... Most of the time I ended up staying over his place, which was much larger then mine and had lovely view of the water... I told him I was not moving with anyone, unless I was a hundred percent sure he was the One for me... To my great surprise Al took offense and for the first time, I was able to see a part of him, I did not noticed before... At times, he would sink into a 'Dark Mood' where he would be becoming silent and disconnected... At one point, when he seemed very withdrawn, I told him:"What's going on Al? What's wrong with you?" His anger erupted like a volcano:What's wrong with Me? What's wrong with You?!X" He said it with such a look of rage, it made me take a few steps backwards... when Al saw my shocked expression he apologized immediately and I made light of his outburst, saying it reminds me of the way, my brother and I used to 'communicate', when we were kids..."Yes" Al said: "It makes me think of the fights I used to have with my older brother Lewis"...
Later, when I reflected on this exchange,wondering about Al's sharp reaction, I criticize and blame myself for judging him..."After all his mother is very ill and he must feel guilty and frustrated, to be so far away from her! It is only natural to have an 'Emotional Outburst' from time to time; especially now when his mother is so sick!... I made up my mind not to take his anger personally and treated him with tenderness... Al grew up in Paterson N.J, in a small Jewish Community,where the young Teenagers socialized and celebrated their "Bar Mitzva" (Becoming Thirteen years old) at the local Jewish temple Besides studding Bible and Jewish studies, the kids in the local Temple, socialize and celebrate their "Bar and Bat Mitzva", when they turned thirteen years old.
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| Hilton Hotel |
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| one of the beaches in Puerto Rico |
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| Emil Deitsch |
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| Clara Deitsch |
At one point Al's parents came to Puerto Rico in order to to meet me... The four of us spent pleasant days together, driving around the city, looking at Tourists Attractions or just 'Hanging Out' in Al's large Condominium Apartment... During some of our trips, Al's mother excused herself, asking us to take her back to Al's Condo; where she could lie down and rest for a while... At one point, the four of us, spent the evening at Al's place, when I noticed it was rather late and I should be going to my apartment... As I was saying my
goodbye, Clara gave me a hug: "Please come to visit us in New Jersey, Shira!",x she whispered in my ear :"I Know that everything between the two of you will work out!" She said. Al, who was standing on the other side of the room, came over, X and was looking at us with suspicion..."What are the two of you talking about?!" He asked. "We are talking about You Darling!" I said with a smile,"What else your parents and I, have may in common?!" His parents began to laugh and the two us joined in...
After driving his parents to their hotel, we entered my small apartment and set down, facing one another Al was sitting at the edge of the chair and seemed to be to be Nervous... We talked about the evening and I asked him if his parents had a good
time in Puerto Rico...X"Yes they did, but my mom is annoyed and wouldn't talk to me!" AL answered with a strange expression, almost as if he was a frightened child." Why not? X didn't she like Puerto Rico?" I asked surprised... X"Yes, they bouth did, but my mom wouldn't talk to me X because she wants me to ask you to marry me".X He answer..."So why don't you?"I asked, trying hard not to laugh... Al was looking at me, as if he was a frightened little boy: "You mean you will agree?" He finally said..."Of course I will, Dummy!" I answered... I was surprised to realize, he was afraid I would say 'No'..."X Don't you know by now how much I love you?!"x We drove back to Al's place and shared the news with his delighted parents... After the shrieks of joy, excitement, tears, laughter, hugs and kisses Al's mother took off her diamond ring, saying it belonged to her 'Mother in law' (Al's Grand Mother) who gifted it to her for their engagement...."Now I am passing it on to you, Shira !" Clara said, wiping off her tears..."How can I take your engagement ring?!" I protested! "Don't worry!" Al's father said, "Years ago I bought Clara another ring, with a much larger stone!" Without saying a ward Al took the ring and put it on my
finger...We looked at each other and began to laugh: We were
engaged!
Three weeks later, we flew to Al's home in Paterson N.J... Aunt Nettie and uncle Irwin, Clara's brother and his wife, hosted our engagement party in their home; where I met Steve, Al's younger brother and his older brother Lewis, his wife Nancy and their two sons Glen and Darryl. I was introduced to uncle Sam Clara's brother, his wife, aunt Rhoda and their son and daughter; Vicky and Larry... It would take a while before I was able to memorize all the names of my new family members.After Al and I flew back to Porto Rico and developed the photographs, he wrote the names on the bac of the photos, so I would be able to memorize them in time for our wedding...
Engagement Party with some of Al's Family
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Mom & Dad |
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Irwin & Netty |
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Louis & Nancy |
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Murray & Roselyn |
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Glenn & Darrel |
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Sam & Rhoda |
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Marcia & Steve |
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Larry & Vicky |
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Several days after the engagement party, Al's close friends Alvin and Mala, invited us to their home,with the rest of Al's friends, in order to celebrate our engagement...The men were
teasing Al, for "finally being caught in the 'Marriage Trap', just like they were, ten years earlier..."Wait until the
babies arrive and you wouldn't sleep at night!" They teased us... It was a lovely party, full of laughter, joy and love
Engagement Party with Al's closest Friends
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Alvin and Mala |
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Ray and Harriet |
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Jack and Louise |
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Herbie and Myra |
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Joel and Marylin |
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Jay and Elaine |
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All week long we were taken out to fancy restaurants, by Al's older cousins and close friends, to celebrate our engagement... It felt as if we were floating on a cloud of happiness and were sweeping everyone else with us! Gifts were arriving daily at Al's parents home...When I expressed my surprise that in America, gifts are being sent 'Before the wedding', I was told that these were just the engagement
gifts; the wedding gifts would come later...
Clara and I would sit and talk for hours... She told me about her
childhood in the lower 'East Side' of Manhattan, which her father, who
immigrated by himself from Russia to the U.S, shortly after she was born, leaving his wife and the baby with her parents... Her father worked as a Carpenter
for a year saving enough money, to buy the "Boat Tickets" for his wife and the small child, who came from Russia to the U.S.... Clara told me about the two small bedrooms apartment, she shared with her three sister, three brothers and their Hard Working parents; who"Saved every penny", so she
could take Piano lessons... A years later, they would bring their entire family, from the Lower East Side, to live next to them, in New Jersey: "During that time, Jewish families used to help one another!" Her 'In-Law' helped her father and brothers to open a Carpentry Shop, which would eventually become a large and very successful Furniture Company...
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| Al and Lewis |
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| Baby Stephen |
At her request I shared with Clara my family's history: How my Grand Parents came from Russia to Israel, the difficulties they were facing, the constant wars with the Arab neighbors, the two years of my service in the army, my arrival to the University of Huston in Texas and later, my move to N.Y.C... Clara and I were getting to know each other intimately. At one point Clara asked with a
shy smile, if I would call her 'Mom':"Unless you feel it may offend your mother!" She sad.X"There is no reason to worry," I told her "since in Hebrew, the ward Mom is 'Ima'!" From that moment on, I called Al's parents Mom and Dad... Three days before returning to Puerto Rico, Clara's best friend, took me
aside and reviled what Clara said to her, a few days before:X"Shira is my Moment of Happiness!" We were asked by her to choose the wedding date: "As Soon as Possible!"... We didn't have to ask 'why', since we knew how ill she was...It was decided that Aunt Roslyn, Clara's sister, would help me prepare for the 'Big Day'! She took me to some of
the finest stores in Manhattan, in order to select our 'China, Silverware and other 'Glassware' so our gusts, would be able to choose their gifts for the wedding... It was all new to me and I felt a kind of "Culture Shock", as I was looking at the prices of 'Brand names', which I have never seen before. I was told that our gusts, would be choosing their gifts from the list, which Al and I would prepare.X When I expressed my concern that some of the the"Fragile gifts', may break on the way to Puerto Rico (like the expensive cups and plates) Al began to laugh;" We may have to take a 'Special Insurance for such a case!" X He said in a ton x which made me feel 'a bit unsophisticated'...
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I knew that Al's family owned a Dairy Business, but
only after talking to his cousin Marcia, I found how large it really was... She told me, that what I thought was Al's father's 'Small Family Business', was not as small as I believed it was, but rather a very Large Company, created by Al's uncle Jack and his two brothers...The New Company which was distributing milk and milk products, to Markets all
over N.J and was planning to spread to Manhatten, across the bridge! Instead of being impressed, I began to feel a bit concerned: Materialism, was not quiet the way I was brought up! On the contrary: My Vegetarian parents were always
stressing the importance of a 'Modest Life' and the need to resist the temptations of lagury. x The need of Showing off may create 'Toxic Emotions of Jealousy and Resentments! They also said how worshiping Money and accumulating more and more possessions, were not the way to have the peace of mind which people are looking for in order to be grateful and happy!
I began to notice Al's attachment to 'designers Clothes, expensive cars, furniture and 'Brand Name' items and became a bit concerned, that this difference between us, may create disagreements about our lifestyle... I began to feel very uncomfortable, when people were commenting on the size of the diamond of my Engagement Ring, saying, that for me, the importance of the ring, was not the 'Size of the dimond Diamond', but rather the fact it once belonged to Al's Grandmother... "Why do
you have to say that?" Al asked me puzzled..."Because it is true!" I said, trying to figure out the reason for his 'annoyance'... Al gave me a hug, stroked my hair and said in a 'Patronizing voic:'"I think I understand darling; it is all so new for you; after all Israel is a small, young and poor country, I am sure that soon you will change your mind about Fine Jewelry and other Luxuris and begin to enjoy them!" He said."You don't realy kno me darling" XI answered, kissing him lightly on the forehead X"But I am sure that we will learn more about each other as time goes by...
The weeks before the wedding were intense and full of excitement! However, we were very concerned about Al's mother deteriorating health...The preparation for our
wedding, seemed to help for a while, to calm down our thoughts and concerns about her illness...Clara asked us to give her a free hand, to choose the style of the Invitations and the proper Florist and be responsible for the Band and the Photographer, as well as the sitting
arraignment and the invitations for the few gusts from Puerto Rico and the small group of my Israeli friends in N.Y... When we arrived to Al's parents home, two weeks before
the wedding, his mother was radiant! It was hard to believe how ill
she was...But we knew it was "Only a matter of time'' and this knowledge clouded our joy...
Back in San Juan there were more parties... One was given by Al's friends, the second by parents of my students and a third, by our proud "Matchmakers" Barbra and Spencer... I was Stunned to get a letter from Paul, letting me know he was he was divorcing his wife, realizing his marriage was a "Terrible Mistake!" He was getting ready to start his
first post as an Ambassador, in one of the African Countries, sugesting that the two of us getting back
together... Painful memories began to surface and I
felt a sharp stabbing Pain of missing him... I was shocked to discover, that the pain over our separation, I believed was gone forever; was still there and 'Forced it to leave', by reminding myself how grateful I should be, for the 'Gift of love and happiness', which I was now sharing with "Albie" my new man, which destiny has brought to my life, together with his warm loving family and group of friends...I also realized, that it may take some time to let go completely, of the 'Pain over Paul' and was wondering if it ever will... My parent and my brother Rami, began to plan the trip for our wedding... Dalia, my 'Sister in law', who was expecting their third Child, stayed home... It would be my parents and brother's first time trip, out of Israel and their joy and excitement added was aded to my hapiness!
With Love and Light,
Shira
photo of Barbados below
