As time goes by... V, X OO

Hello everyone,

   My book was almost completed... It is was time to find a suitable publisher... I am finding out it is not      not an easy task, especially when the Corona Pandemic, seemed to be out of control... I have been busy helping my clients deal with their fears of this a new frightening decease, as well as taking care of my darling husband, whose health has been deteriorating fast...Karen with her baby girl,our beloved Eliya  were staying with us since, Ilan the father, got stuck in Israel because of the pandemic...Our sweet Grand daughter, became the main source of joy, left for her poor, bed ridden grandfather; my dear husband Al...  For quiet some time, I have been hearing the Nagging voice, of my Inner Critic, saying :"Don't you think  it is about time to turn this blog into a book?!" "Who has extra time for it?" My 'Inner Complainer' was saying... But I could no longer ignore, the needs of my Inner writer, storyteller and Poet, nagging me to  "Finally finish the book!"x  One day I had a great idea; "Instead of starting to write a book, how about turning my Blog in to one! I can use what I have written so far, go ahead and do it!

  There was plenty to write about... I clearly remembered the day when Al was watching the news about  the new virus, which was spreading from China to the Far and Middle East, as well as to Europe, moving on to Africa, South America, the U.S, Canada, New Zealand and Australia... We were watching the over-crowded hospitals, with the exhausted Doctors and Nurses, who were trying to take care of the sick and the dying, looking as if they were on the verge of collapse themselves... The Schools, Malls, Stores as well as Theaters and Restaurants; were empty... Terrified people around the world were learning a new word: "Lock down"!  Almost overnight Life as we knew it, began to change into an unfamiliar reality, of people with Masks standing in long lines for the Supermarkets, only to find most of the shelves bare and drive back home empty handed on the deserted freeways ...

Savta Shira 

Grand child Eliya   

  Terrified people were locked up in their homes; hiding from the 'Corona Virus', the Unknown Monster, which came to darken our previous clear blue sky... I began the job of turning my blog into a book... My inspiration for my 'First Dairy', was Ann Frank; Just like her I was about twelve years old, when I began to write  a dairy and kept on writing in a thick notebook with golden letters on the cover  cover cover; Finlay 'graduating' to an old type writer and few years  later, to an  Electronic One, until we came to the age of Computers; just in time to begin writing my Blog which was the foundation or my future book...

   Shortly after the Corona Virus arrived at the United States, I had a great idea! Since most people were staying home, afraid to get out of their houses, it may be a golden opportunity to go over the posts in my blog and begin to make the necessary corrections, in order to turn it into a book... My young friend Sean (whom I nicknamed "Sean-Sean") has been helping me with the technical part' of decorating the pages with photographs, which would help breaking the monotony of the written words and add some color to the story of my life... In a way this pandemic, especially the Lock down; arrived as a blessing, by giving me the time I need to turn my blog into a book... I have been sitting for hours (sometimes late into the night) going over the posts, changing sentences and correct spelling, as well as grammar mistakes (After all English is not my Mother's Tongue... )At my Inner Child's request (rather Nagging)I began 'decorating'  the pages of this future book, with photographs and caricatures, in order to add some color and humor to some of the more Serious Topics... After all, moving from one state of being into another (3rd to the 5th Dimension) is not such a simple or easy matter... 

   As I review my blog, I come to realize, that (most of the time) I had a good and blissful life; where my  'dreams', wishes and expectations were (almost always ) fulfield X Above all, I am fortunate to have my grand daughter Eliyah, who has been filling my heart with love and joy, especially after her Grandfather (Papa) my husband Al past away... I am so happy that Al was fortunate enough, to enjoy our precious Eliyah, for the last three years of his life! I often think about the week before Al's passing, celebrated his 85th birthday at home. Al was sitting in his large armchair, supported by pillows with Karen, myself and  a handful of family members sitting around him... When his favorite chocolate cake arrived, we started to sing: "♪ Happy birthday dear Papa.♪.. Eliyah put a piece of cake in Al's mouth licking the left chocolate from her small fingers... I was watching him looking at her with a smile, his eyes full of tenderness and love, and I had to wipe my tears... Several days after Al's passing, we celebrated Eliya's third birthday... After all, "Life must go on!" Karen and I where telling each other, wiping our tears...

   A few mouths after starting kindergarten, Ellie decided to wear "A different shoe on each foot!" When   I tried to convince her that people do not do that, she told me:" I Do Savta! It is My Style!" After several attempts of trying to talk my 'stubborn granddaughter' to "Please change your shoes!" and receiving the powerful and final answer: "No! I already told you Savta, this is My Style now!" I decided to give up:"If you can't win - join in!" I told myself and decided to "copy" Ellie's "style", by wearing shoes of different colors as well; to her great delight! By the way people have been saying that Eliyah looks very much like me (to my great delight!) But she insists she looks like "Ima", her mom...

About a year after Al's passing a welcomed addition joined our tiny family...His name is Gregory   (Karen's "New Man")  Greg is adored by Karen and Eliyah, as well as by me, who is delighted to look    at this Loving Triangle...  Observing the three of them together and witnessing their playful interaction    is  now 'My Moment of Happiness!' X This "Threesome loving combination", is a wonderful answer for my "Grand Motherly" prayers... Seeing them together, helps me deal with the emptiness, which was left in my heart after losing Al, my husband of fifty yeas...

Karen and Greg		Ellie's shoe style	'Savta' "Copying" Ellie's style	The Happy Family!

   I would like to share with you dear readers, several amazing photographs, sent by an anonymous reader of my blog... These photos took me back many years ago, to the time I was serving in the military, where  I was in-charge of 'Reserved Solders' and call them in case of an attack by one (or more) of our 'next door' Arab countries'...  I was sitting at my desk, in front of the only small window in the room, looking at the walls, which were "decorated" from floor to ceiling, with files of Reserved Solders, who were the troops  of soldiers, who completed their two years, of military service and were required, to attended "Training"    once a year, in order to be ready for Mobilization, in case of an attack, by one of our three 'Neighbors' Egypt, Jordan and  Syria... These Arab countries, never liked our "Little Jewish Israel" very much and  tried to destroy our "Tiny adorable Israel" Three Times and Failed!... The whole world (except the Arabs) were celebrating with us, our Victory! I often go to the one window, in my small office (one room only)  and look through the one window, at the beautiful and peaceful blue Mediterranean Sea, wishing I could escape my dreary office and go for a refreshing swim, in the inviting blue water of the Mediterranean Sea below and get away for a while, from the grey and choking room I have been locked in...X"I felt as if I am a Prisoner here!"x I complain to my superior officer, who smiled his fatherly smile:X"Shiral'e, our small country needs you now!"x I felt guilty, because I loved this adorable little country, were my parents and I were born and would gladly protect it, even if I have to fight against all our hateful neighbors!

   After my commanding officer left the room, I stood up, walked to the window and took in a deep   breath of salty air...  Walked back to my desk and looked at the paper work in front of me... I then       took a blank peace of paper and began to write a poem; as I often did, when I felt 'down' and  'alone'    The only thing I remember from this poem, is one line:"Butterflies, are flowers, yearning to be free"... XThe following photos, may be such flowers, which amazingly resemble people, babies, birds, monkey   and hearts... Most probably such flowers always existed, but were not noticed, until this one incredible  and unknown photographer, brought them to our attention...Unfortunately, I was unable to find the source of these amazing photos, so I could to acknowledge, congratulate and thank the gifted artist, who took them...

White egret	Hawks	Parrots	Swooping eagle	Monkey	Babies in baskets

Ballerina	Lady taking a bow	Dancing friends	Naked men	Beggar	Hearts

With Love and Light,
Shira

Life during 'Lock down' and Al's Departure. .XX . Add musical notes V, OO

      No one was ready for the Corona Virus! At the beginning there were speculations, fears and  Confusion:"Would this virus stay in China, or spread to other countries?" But when this uninvited    "Gust", began to cover more and more territories; a wave of panic, began to spread, Toilet Paper was          the first item to disappear from the shelves, as well as  Anti Depressant and sleeping  pills.Long lines  lines appeared, in front of the Supermarkets and Gas Stations.Schools and Colleges were empty and people were staying, behind the closed doors of their homes...A new phrase was added to our collective Vocabulary:X"Lock Down!" The old 'Hand Shaking', seemed as if it belonged to a Previous Era...There were no more long liens for the of Movies,Theaters,  Concerts, Comedy Clubs or for Car Wash service People were no longer waiting in lines, for a visit to Disney Land, The Hollywood Bowl, a or movie Theaters...  Most of them were staying behind closed doors, watching on television, wild Fire raging       of control, consuming forests and buildings... I was trying my best, to cope with this Madness',while taking care of my sick husband and helping our daughter Karen, to raise our Grand Daughter Eliyah...     One day"Ellie" said: "Savta! (Grandma in Hebrew)"I want a kid to play with!." she said sadly, It broke my heart... Let's make believe that 'I Am a kid?" XI said "O.K Savta, let's play 'Hide and Go Seek! I will hide behind the Curtains, next to the piano and you will Look for me!"

   Two and a half years before the "Corona virus" arrived, we celebrated Al's 80's Birthday at the 'Bistro    Garden', in Sherman Oak; where we have been celebrating all our birthdays for many years.There were Twenty two of our family members and friends, including our 'Very Pregnant' daughter Karen, without  the Israeli farther,who was not an American citizen and was stuck in Israel... We knew that this is going   to be our last celebration, in this Landmark Restaurant, since on the door was a short note:"Due to the    on going COVID-19 Pandemic, it is with great sorrow and emotional upheaval, that after thirty years    the Bistro Garden in Studio City, will closed down.X" We knew it was the last time we celebrate there...  

Bistro Garden - West wing	Our family plus one on the way	Bistro Garden - North wing

   On July 23rd, shortly after the Corona virus, arrived in the U.S, we celebrated Al's 83rd birthday    we sang:X"Happy Birthday dear Albie! Happy birthday to you!" We were Watched Ellie, feeding'          her 'Papa' a spoonful of Chocolate Muffin (his favorite!)... Carefully raising the spoon to his mouth      with her tiny fingers, before licking them... A week later, Al became very ill. He was rushed to Seder    Sinai Hospital,where he stayed for five days...The doctors said Al would be better off in a Hospice'        near our home, but Karen and I, refused to hear about it... We felt it would be better for Al to stay in            his familiar home, with the people who love him and with our beloved dog Moses, by his side, or on          the floor next to his bed... From the second floor Al would have a full view, of the mountains and the           trees he chose to plant... A 'Mail Nurse', loyal Essie,was with him day and night! My niece Gali was coming often with her two daughters, to keep company to Eliyah, making sure the kids will not know    about the 'Life and Death drama', which was taking place in the second floor of our house...

   On July 29th, Karen, Gali and I, were sitting next to Al's bed, talking to him softly.I held his hand and was stroking his forehead, while Karen was fixing his hair and wiping his face. Al was sleeping most of the time now, and occasionally,was looking at us... My proud husband of fifty years was deteriorating...  At one point, shortly after I went to check on the kids downstairs, the Nurse came running, telling us to come up Immediately..."Quick"! She said,"It is starting Now!" We made sure the kids stayed in the garden and rushed to Al's side; standingd by his bed and  listening to his Labored Breathing. His eyes were closed and he had a peaceful expression on his face...We held his hands, telling him, how much we love him and that he is about to go on a beautiful Journey! I was holding his hand until he took his final breath... For the first time, since his long illness, Al's face X was relaxed and peaceful... Reminding me of a photo I once took of him in Puerto Rico; so many years before...Karen and I, Gali and Essie, were hugging each other  and crying...The tears were not only for the loss, we have just experienced, but tears of Relief, that Al's suffering is finally over...   

Al's final home

Al in P.R

  My darling Al, hated the cold weather and snow, which reminded him  of the the winters in New Jersey...This was one of the reasons, he left home and moved to St.Thomas, in the Virgin Islands; where he worked as the 'Food and Beverage Manger' in the Hilton and later, the Sheraton hotels. Al's greatest pleasure, was to sit by the water, enjoying the sun ... I was looking at the peaceful expression on his face, which reminding me of a photoI took many years before; when we lived in Puerto Rico, Al was relaxing by the sea which he loved so much, enjoying the sun...    

   Because of the Coronavirus, we had a very small funeral... It included some family members, our  closest friends and a few of Karen's long time friends, from Junior High...We gathered at Mount Sinai cemetery, in the Simi Valley, which is surrounded by rolling hills... At one point I was surprising to realize, that this was the first time, I have seen a cemetery, where the 'Tombstones' do not stand erect        as in Israel, but lie flat, on top of the graves...The Jewish tradition, calls for Seven Days of Mourning    and prayers, at the home of the 'Morning family... Relatives and friends,come to say th 'Kaddish;the  prayer, which is meant, to help the Soul, have a 'Smooth Journey to heaven'...Then comes the evening meal,which is supposed to remind the mourners that no matter what: 'Life Must Go On'!  Eliyah's third Birthday came four days, After Al's departed... I made a decision to celebrate it even though, our seven days of morning, were not over. yet... I was certain that God would forgive me, for 'Celebrating' the birthday during the 'Morning Period', rather then wait for the 'Proper Time'! I asked 'God's permeation     to invite the mothers of my "Adopted Grand children", to come with their kids and celebrate Eliya's Birthday party. ( and got a positive answer...)

  It gave me a great joy, to see how the"Babies" grew up, during the few mounts, I haven't seen them...   The youngest boy  started to take his first steps and some of the others, were saying full sentences! the kids, were a lovely 'Ray of of Joy', in the midst of my dark sorrow... Eliyah the "Birthday Girl", was very happy, to share with the kids  her new Toys... There were cries of joy, when I brought in the Birthday Cake and everyone began to sing X"Happy Birthday dear Eliyah, happy birthday to you! The kids stood around the cake, blowing out the three candles and enjoying eating the cake and liking their fingers...                                                                                                           

Mothers and babies	♫ Happy Birthday Dear Ellie... ♫	"Savta" brings the cake	♫ Happy Birthday To You! ♫	The  Mothers

Eliyah		Ella		Mayan
	Maya		Levi

   Acording to the Jewish tradition, after the funeral, people come over for the next seven days, to comfort  the 'Morning Family'...This visit is called "Bikur Tanchumim" (Condolence calls) and is considered to be  a very important "Mitzvah" (Good Deed)... Because of the Corona Pandemic, we did not expected many visitors and were surprised and grateful, for those who came...We were staying out doors, where people were making sure, to keep a safe distance from one another... The gusts were were admiring the view        and we forgot for a few moments, that Aliyah's Grandpa, was not there celebrating with us ...  

   As a psychologist, I realize that people may react to Death, in different ways... I am familiar with the   work of the well known Swiss-born psychiatrist, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, who wrote extensively about Death and Dying and is known for her book: "The Five Stages of Grief."I have written before about the lectures I gave, regarding "Life After Death" and my work with people, who lost 'Loved ones'... This knowledge, made it 'Somewhat Easier', to deal with the pain of loosing Al... These days, there are trained  people, named "Death Dulas", who are helping to turn the death process in to a Gentle, and Dignified Experience... It enables people to die at home, or other peaceful and calm environment, they choose  where the lights are kept dim and soft music is playing... During Al's last days, I asked him if he would like to listen to Frank Sinatra or Ella Fitzgerald (who were among his favorite singers) When he didn't answer, I jokingly asked, weather he prefers Elvis Presley's song, 'Rock around the clock'. My darling husband, looked into my eyes, smiled and whispered to me:" How about the next time Shira, maybe     next time..." 

   After Al was no longer able to come down the stairs (not even in the small indoor elevator) I brought   up the tiny "Supermarket Cart", which Eliyah liked to play with, as well as her Toy Stove and placed    them near the wall, across from Al's bed, so he could see her playing... Ellie was delighted, to"Cook"      for her 'Papa' "Pancakes with lots of Maple syrup!"... When the Hospice nurse was checking Al with      her Stethoscope, Ellie would bring her 'doctor's kit' and was checking her Grandfather's toes ... Later     she would take out a "Syringe" from her "Doctor's kit" and give "Papa", a shot in his 'Belly button'      declaring, that: "Papa is not sick any more!" Al was watching, smiling and the 'Tenderness in his eyes  made me leave the room, to wipe my tears, so the two of the, would not see the tears in my eyes...

   The day after Al's passing, Ellie saw his empty bed and wanted to know "Where is Papa?" I smiled    and told her that papa went to live with God... When she wanted to know why, I reminded her that Papa  was very old and sick and couldn't even walk anymore..."Now, that Papa is with God, he is very happy because he can do anything he wants, walk in the garden and having a great time!" I told her. She asked me, if Papa is using the slides and swings, in God's Kindergarten... I assured her, that Papa is very happy where he is... Ellie seemed to be pleased and turned away from me, in order to check a long line of Aunts passing by... On the following day Ellie told me, with excitement, that the night before she saw papa!  "You must have seen him in your dream!" I said. "No!"she answered, stamping her little foot on the floor: It was not a dream! I saw him for Real and he even gave me a hug and a kiss!" How can I doubt it?

  The following day, Ellie asked me: "Savta, HOW did papa go up to God?" "Well, this is a question for a a Rabbi"  XI finally said x"And since Mommy is a Rabbi, let's go and ask her!" 

With Love and Light,
Shira