Two and a half years before the "Corona virus" arrived, we celebrated Al's 80's Birthday at the 'Bistro Garden', in Sherman Oak; where we have been celebrating all our birthdays for many years.There were Twenty two of our family members and friends, including our 'Very Pregnant' daughter Karen, without the Israeli farther,who was not an American citizen and was stuck in Israel... We knew that this is going to be our last celebration, in this Landmark Restaurant, since on the door was a short note:"Due to the on going COVID-19 Pandemic, it is with great sorrow and emotional upheaval, that after thirty years the Bistro Garden in Studio City, will closed down.X" We knew it was the last time we celebrate there...
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| Bistro Garden - West wing | Our family plus one on the way |
Bistro Garden - North wing |
On July 23rd, shortly after the Corona virus, arrived in the U.S, we celebrated Al's 83rd birthday we sang:X"Happy Birthday dear Albie! Happy birthday to you!" We were Watched Ellie, feeding' her 'Papa' a spoonful of Chocolate Muffin (his favorite!)... Carefully raising the spoon to his mouth with her tiny fingers, before licking them... A week later, Al became very ill. He was rushed to Seder Sinai Hospital,where he stayed for five days...The doctors said Al would be better off in a Hospice' near our home, but Karen and I, refused to hear about it... We felt it would be better for Al to stay in his familiar home, with the people who love him and with our beloved dog Moses, by his side, or on the floor next to his bed... From the second floor Al would have a full view, of the mountains and the trees he chose to plant... A 'Mail Nurse', loyal Essie,was with him day and night! My niece Gali was coming often with her two daughters, to keep company to Eliyah, making sure the kids will not know about the 'Life and Death drama', which was taking place in the second floor of our house...
On July 29th, Karen, Gali and I, were sitting next to Al's bed, talking to him softly.I held his hand and was stroking his forehead, while Karen was fixing his hair and wiping his face. Al was sleeping most of the time now, and occasionally,was looking at us... My proud husband of fifty years was deteriorating... At one point, shortly after I went to check on the kids downstairs, the Nurse came running, telling us to come up Immediately..."Quick"! She said,"It is starting Now!" We made sure the kids stayed in the garden and rushed to Al's side; standingd by his bed and listening to his Labored Breathing. His eyes were closed and he had a peaceful expression on his face...We held his hands, telling him, how much we love him and that he is about to go on a beautiful Journey! I was holding his hand until he took his final breath... For the first time, since his long illness, Al's face X was relaxed and peaceful... Reminding me of a photo I once took of him in Puerto Rico; so many years before...Karen and I, Gali and Essie, were hugging each other and crying...The tears were not only for the loss, we have just experienced, but tears of Relief, that Al's suffering is finally over...
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| Al's final home |
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| Al in P.R |
My darling Al, hated the cold weather and snow, which reminded him of the the winters in New Jersey...This was one of the reasons, he left home and moved to St.Thomas, in the Virgin Islands; where he worked as the 'Food and Beverage Manger' in the Hilton and later, the Sheraton hotels. Al's greatest pleasure, was to sit by the water, enjoying the sun ... I was looking at the peaceful expression on his face, which reminding me of a photoI took many years before; when we lived in Puerto Rico, Al was relaxing by the sea which he loved so much, enjoying the sun...
Because of the Coronavirus, we had a very small funeral... It included some family members, our closest friends and a few of Karen's long time friends, from Junior High...We gathered at Mount Sinai cemetery, in the Simi Valley, which is surrounded by rolling hills... At one point I was surprising to realize, that this was the first time, I have seen a cemetery, where the 'Tombstones' do not stand erect as in Israel, but lie flat, on top of the graves...The Jewish tradition, calls for Seven Days of Mourning and prayers, at the home of the 'Morning family... Relatives and friends,come to say th 'Kaddish;the prayer, which is meant, to help the Soul, have a 'Smooth Journey to heaven'...Then comes the evening meal,which is supposed to remind the mourners that no matter what: 'Life Must Go On'! Eliyah's third Birthday came four days, After Al's departed... I made a decision to celebrate it even though, our seven days of morning, were not over. yet... I was certain that God would forgive me, for 'Celebrating' the birthday during the 'Morning Period', rather then wait for the 'Proper Time'! I asked 'God's permeation to invite the mothers of my "Adopted Grand children", to come with their kids and celebrate Eliya's Birthday party. ( and got a positive answer...)
It gave me a great joy, to see how the"Babies" grew up, during the few mounts, I haven't seen them... The youngest boy started to take his first steps and some of the others, were saying full sentences! the kids, were a lovely 'Ray of of Joy', in the midst of my dark sorrow... Eliyah the "Birthday Girl", was very happy, to share with the kids her new Toys... There were cries of joy, when I brought in the Birthday Cake and everyone began to sing X"Happy Birthday dear Eliyah, happy birthday to you! The kids stood around the cake, blowing out the three candles and enjoying eating the cake and liking their fingers...
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| Mothers and babies |
♫ Happy Birthday Dear Ellie... ♫ |
"Savta" brings the cake |
♫ Happy Birthday To You! ♫ |
The Mothers |
| Eliyah | Ella | Mayan | |||
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| Maya |
Levi | ||||
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Acording to the Jewish tradition, after the funeral, people come over for the next seven days, to comfort the 'Morning Family'...This visit is called "Bikur Tanchumim" (Condolence calls) and is considered to be a very important "Mitzvah" (Good Deed)... Because of the Corona Pandemic, we did not expected many visitors and were surprised and grateful, for those who came...We were staying out doors, where people were making sure, to keep a safe distance from one another... The gusts were were admiring the view and we forgot for a few moments, that Aliyah's Grandpa, was not there celebrating with us ...
   
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As a psychologist, I realize that people may react to Death, in different ways... I am familiar with the work of the well known Swiss-born psychiatrist, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, who wrote extensively about Death and Dying and is known for her book: "The Five Stages of Grief."I have written before about the lectures I gave, regarding "Life After Death" and my work with people, who lost 'Loved ones'... This knowledge, made it 'Somewhat Easier', to deal with the pain of loosing Al... These days, there are trained people, named "Death Dulas", who are helping to turn the death process in to a Gentle, and Dignified Experience... It enables people to die at home, or other peaceful and calm environment, they choose where the lights are kept dim and soft music is playing... During Al's last days, I asked him if he would like to listen to Frank Sinatra or Ella Fitzgerald (who were among his favorite singers) When he didn't answer, I jokingly asked, weather he prefers Elvis Presley's song, 'Rock around the clock'. My darling husband, looked into my eyes, smiled and whispered to me:" How about the next time Shira, maybe next time..."
After Al was no longer able to come down the stairs (not even in the small indoor elevator) I brought up the tiny "Supermarket Cart", which Eliyah liked to play with, as well as her Toy Stove and placed them near the wall, across from Al's bed, so he could see her playing... Ellie was delighted, to"Cook" for her 'Papa' "Pancakes with lots of Maple syrup!"... When the Hospice nurse was checking Al with her Stethoscope, Ellie would bring her 'doctor's kit' and was checking her Grandfather's toes ... Later she would take out a "Syringe" from her "Doctor's kit" and give "Papa", a shot in his 'Belly button' declaring, that: "Papa is not sick any more!" Al was watching, smiling and the 'Tenderness in his eyes made me leave the room, to wipe my tears, so the two of the, would not see the tears in my eyes...
The day after Al's passing, Ellie saw his empty bed and wanted to know "Where is Papa?" I smiled and told her that papa went to live with God... When she wanted to know why, I reminded her that Papa was very old and sick and couldn't even walk anymore..."Now, that Papa is with God, he is very happy because he can do anything he wants, walk in the garden and having a great time!" I told her. She asked me, if Papa is using the slides and swings, in God's Kindergarten... I assured her, that Papa is very happy where he is... Ellie seemed to be pleased and turned away from me, in order to check a long line of Aunts passing by... On the following day Ellie told me, with excitement, that the night before she saw papa! "You must have seen him in your dream!" I said. "No!"she answered, stamping her little foot on the floor: It was not a dream! I saw him for Real and he even gave me a hug and a kiss!" How can I doubt it?
The
following day, Ellie asked me: "Savta, HOW
did papa go up to God?" "Well, this is a question for a a Rabbi" XI finally said x"And since Mommy is a Rabbi, let's go and
ask her!"
With Love and Light,
Shira
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