Two and a half years before the "Corona virus" arrived, we celebrated Al's 80's Birthday at the 'Bistro Garden' in Sherman Oaks; where we have been celebrating all our birthdays for many years... There were twenty two of our family members and friends, including our 'Very Pregnant' daughter Karen, without the Israeli father, who was not an American citizen and was stuck in Israel because of the Virus.. We all knew that this is going to be our last celebration in this Landmark Restaurant, after reading the short note on the door:" Due to the on going COVID-19 Pandemic, it is with great sorrow and emotional upheaval, that after thirty years, The Bistro Garden in Studio City will closed down." XI had a feeling that it was knew the last time we would celebrate in this lovely, and so it was, it never opened again...
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| Bistro Garden - West wing | Our family plus one on the way |
Bistro Garden - North wing |
On July 23rd, shortly after the Corona virus arrived to the U.S, we celebrated Al's 83rd birthday M.N "Happy Birthday dear Albie! Happy birthday to you!" and watched little Ellie feeding her 'Papa' a spoonful of Chocolate Muffin (his favorite!) carefully raising the spoon to his mouth, with her tiny fingers before licking them... A week later Al became very ill and was rushed to Seder Sinai Hospital where he stayed for five days. The doctors said, he would be better off in a Hospice', but Karen and I refused to hear about it... We felt it would be better for him, to stay in his familiar home, next to the people who love him and his beloved dog Moses, who was always on the floor next to his bed... From the second floor, Al had a full view of the mountains and was able to look at the the garden and the trees he chose to plant... A 'Mail Nurse', loyal Essie, was with him day and night! My niece Gali, came often with her two daughters, to keep company to Eliyah; making sure she will not know about the 'Life and Death Drama', which was taking place in the second floor of our house...
On July 29th, Karen, Gali and I were sitting next to Al's bed, talking to him softly, holding his hand and stroking his hair... The health of my proud husband was deteriorating... At one point, shortly after I went to check on the kids downstairs, the Nurse came running, telling me to come up immediately:X" It is starting Now!" She said. We made sure the kids stayed in the garden with an adult, rushing to Al's bed on the second floor and were standing by his bed, listening to his Labored Breathing. His eyes were closed and he had a peaceful expression on his face... I held his hand, I was holding hist hand and was telling him how much we love him and that he is about to go on a beautiful Journey! I kept on holding his hand until he took his final breath... For the first time since his long illness, Al's face was relaxed and very peaceful reminding me, of a photo I once took of him in Puerto Rico, many years before...Karen and I, as well as Gali and Essie, were hugging each other and crying...The tears were not only for the loss we have just experienced, but tears of Relief that Al's suffering is finally over...
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| Al's final home |
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| Al in P.R |
My darling Al always hated the snow and cold weather, which reminded him of the the 'Freezing Winters in New Jersey' This was one of the reasons he left home and moved to St.Thomas, in the Virgin Islands, where he worked as the 'Food and Beverage Manger', in the Hilton and later the Sheraton hotel. Al's greatest pleasure was to sit by the water and enjoy the sun... I was looking at the peaceful expression on his face, which reminding me of a photo I took many years before; when we lived in Puerto Rico and he was relaxing by the sea, which he loved so much; enjoying the sun...
Because of the Corona Virus ,we had a very small funeral... It included some family members, our closest friends and a few of Karen's long time girl friends. We gathered at Mount Sinai Cemetery in the the Simi Valley, which is surrounded by rolling hills and at one point, I was surprised to realize, it was the first time I have seen a cemetery, where the 'Tombstones' do not stand erect", as it was in Israel, but were arranged flat; on top of the grave...The Jewish tradition calls for Seven Days of Mourning, at the home of the diseased; where the family members, as well as relatives and friends, came to say 'Kaddish' the prayer which is meant to help the Soul have a 'Smooth Journey to heaven'...Then comes the Evening Meal, which is supposed to remind the mourners, that no matter what; 'Life Must Go On'! Eliya's third Birthday, came four days after Al's departure... I made a decision to celebrate it, even though our seven days of morning, were not over yet and was certain, that God would forgive me, for 'Celebrating' during the 'Morning Period', rather then wait for the 'Proper Time'. Two days later, I invited the mothers of my "Adopted Grand children", to come with their kids, in order to celebrate Eliya's Birthday party and was happy to receive a positive answer...
It gave me a great joy to see how the"Babies" grew up, during the few mounts I haven't seen them... The youngest boy started to take his first steps and some of the others, were saying full sentences! The kids were a lovely 'Ray of of Joy', in the midst of my dark sorrow... Eliyah, the "Birthday Girl", was very happy to share with the kids her new Toys... There were cries of joy, when I brought in the Birthday Cake and everyone began to sing X"Happy Birthday dear Eliyah, happy birthday to you! The kids stood around the cake, blowing out the three candles and were enjoying eating the cake and licking their small fingers.
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| Mothers and babies |
♫ "Happy Birthday Dear Ellie... ♫ |
Savta Shira brings the cake |
Happy Birthday | Other gusts |
| Eliyah | Ella | Mayan | |||
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| Maya |
Levi | ||||
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Acording to the Jewish tradition, after the funeral people come over for the next seven day, in order to comfort the 'Morning Family'... This visit, which is called "Bikur Tanchumim"(Condolence call' in Hebrew) is considered to be a very important "Mitzvah" (Good Deed)...Since the the Corona Pandemic was raging, I did not expect many visitors and was surprised and grateful for those who came.We were staying out doors, where people were making sure to keep a safe distance from one another. The gusts were admiring the view from our house and I ralize that Aliyah's Grandpa, my darling Al, was no longer there, to celebrate with us such an importenyt ocation.....
   
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As a psychologist, I realize that people may react to Death in different ways... I am familiar with the work of the well known Swiss-born Psychiatrist; Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, who wrote extensively about 'Death and Dying' and is known for her book:"The Five Stages of Grief". I have written before about the lectures I gave, regarding "Life After Death", to people who lost their 'Loved ones' and how this knowledge, made it 'Somewhat Easier' to deal with the pain of loosing Al... These days trained women named "Death Dulas", have been helping to turn the 'Death Process', in to a more 'Dignified experience', by enabling people to die at home, or any other peaceful and calm environment, making sure the lights are kept dim and soft music is playing... During Al's final days I asked him if he would like to listen to Frank Sinatra, or Ella Fitzgerald (who were among his favorite singers) When he didn't answer, I jokingly asked him weather he prefers Elvis Presley's "Rock around the clock"... My darling husband looked into my eyes, smiled and whispered: "Maybe next time, Shira"..."
After Al was no longer able to come down the stairs (not even in our small indoor elevator) I took in to his bedroom the tiny"Supermarket Cart" which Eliyah liked to play with, as well as her Toy Stove placing it near the wall across from his bed, so he could see her playing... She was delighted to cook for her 'Papa' :"Pancakes with lots of Maple syrup!"... When the Hospice nursed, was checking Al with her Stethoscope; Ellie would bring her 'Doctor's Kit', in order to check "Grandpa Toes", declaring that "Papa was not sick any more!" Al was watching her smiling and the 'Tenderness in his eyes', made me leave the room to wipe my tears, so the two of them wouldn't see me cry...
The day after Al's passing, Ellie saw his empty bed and wanted to know "Where is Papa?" I told her that Papa went to live with God. When she wanted to know why, I reminded her that he was old and sick and couldn't even walk anymore..."Now, that Papa is with God, he is very happy; because he can do what ever he wants, like walking in the garden and give water to the flowers and the trees"... She asked me if Papa was using now the swing in his new yard and I answered that I am sure that Papa is happy where he was... Ellie seemed to be pleased and turned away to check up a long line of Aunts, which were passing by. On the following day she told me with excitement, that the night before she saw Papa!"You must have seen him in your dream!" I said. "No!" she answered, stamping her little foot on the floor: "It was not a dream! I saw him for Real and he even gave me a hug and a kiss!" (Who am I to doubt it? )... "Savta, How did papa go up to God?" XShe asked. "Well, these kind of questions are for a Rabbi to answer and since Mommy is a Rabbi; let's go and ask her!" I said and so we did...
With Love and Light,
Shira
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