The Dark Moment of the Soul .X X X. OO VV

Hello everyone,

Detroit, Michigan

   The Hebrew school principal and his wife, who met me at the Airport, invited me to stay at their home  They helped me buy a used car and find a suitable apartment next to the temple, which was within thirty    minute ride to the university... My life seemed to be divided in half: During the the morning hours, I was  a Student at the university of Detroit (which was build in 1877)  It had a beautiful campus, lined with Elm Trees and old stone buildings, were the students attended their classes.I was working hard! During the day I was a student at the University and in the afternoons and was teaching Hebrew and Jewish Studies at a Jewish Temple's school... I used to joke that I felt as if I had a 'Split Personality'... I made several friends but was way too busy for 'Real Relationships'...There was only one good thing about being so busy I had no time to think about Paul or morn the 'Death' of our relationship...

Winter in Detroit

University of Detroit

   The month of September passed by and for the first time in   my life, I realized what a 'Cold Winter 'could be; unlike the mild winters in Israel.. Black clouds, heavy rain and freezing wind as well as much snow and slippery ice.. I was very busy rushing from the university to teach at the Temple, go over my students' Home Work, as well as doing my own...I had no time to do much else. For a few moment before falling asleep, I was able to think about Paul, the man I loved so much, who was so far away... But I was so tired, I couldn't even feel how much I missed him... The two of us exchanged letters (No money for Over Sea's phone calls...) Paul was writing how lonely he felt, how much he missed me and how painful it was, to come  back to an empty house... I tried to comfort him, writing that the time would pass fast and before we  know it the two of us would be together again... I was repressing my fears about  the 'problems' our marriage may create for the two of us, telling myself that our powerful love would be able to overcome any obstacle on our way! In the meantime I had a few serious problems to deal with... Two and a half months after the Hebrew school opened; the teachers,who were mostly Israeli students, decided to strike  calming they were not able to live on their small salary... It seems that even before I arrived, this was an on going problem between the Israeli teachers and the board of directors... After the answer which came from  from the Board was "NO!"  The teachers decided to strike and I suddenly found myself without a job! A week later my car was stolen...

   I had no insurance, since I had to save every extra dollar for car payments and had to look for rides       to the University and back. I was trying to keep up my grades and had no time to notice, that Paul's  letters were not coming as often as before... On one freezing Saturdays, the Mailman rang my bell and handed  me a special delivery letter from Tsipi... She wrote how terribly sorry she was, to give me the   bad of bad news, that Paul got married to an Austrian Journalist, he met in Israel... She asked me to be strong and never forget how powerful I am, saying she was certain I would soon get over this shock and was asking me to remember how strong I realy am and that X"Everything is happening for good reason"  She wrote X"I am sure that soon you realize, that Paul was not the right man' for you'! I Xthe mean time all our friends are sending me you their love"...

   Shortly after Tsipi's letter, I received one from Paul... He asked for my forgiveness, confessing he       was not 'Strong enough' to deal with all the X'Complications' our marriage would create'... He wrote   how much he loved me and how I changed his life... "I believe that one day you will realize, that this break up was the best thing for the two of us!" I never wrote back... I don't remember much, of the days after I received the shocking news...  It felt as if I became like the feminine 'Biblical Job', receiving one blow after the other... First  my stolen car, next the teachers strike and now Paul's betrayal... The pain was so intense, I had to numb myself!  So I closed my heart, shutting off my emotions and was functioning like a Robot; having no emotions at all! I received an A in all my classes at the university and was praises by my teachers for the papers I handed in... However, as Tsipi would tell me later:X"Reading your letters made me feel as if your soul left your body..." My parents who were in touch with Tsipi, were sick with worry...They called and begged me to come back home:"It is not the right time to be all alone in another country!" My mother said tearfully and handed the phone to my Dad..."Listen Shira'le, You are now going through a very difficult time! Through out our life we all experience Loses, Pain and Hardships. Needless to say, that you can always come back home to us, but you will be Running Away from the Battlefield. Life  is testing your endurance and strength... Remember that just as People can not survive without Light, they would not be able to survive without Darkness; which is just as important as the Light for our growth and help us build Survival kills and Spiritual Muscles... You can do it Shira! You Will do it and be stronger then ever! Remember you are not alone! Ima and I are always with you during these difficult times! We love and support you and most of all; We Believe in You!"

   The day after my parents called, I was leaving my class at the university and was walking to the next one in a farther building... It was freezing and slippery; the ground was covered with a thick carpet of snow... I was walking in slow motions, like Neil Armstrong did, when he was taking his first steps on     the moon... My heavy boots were sinking in the deep snow and I was barley able to lift one foot after    the other. The sky was covered with Black Clouds, such as I have never seen before, in  the mild winter      of Israel...  In spite of my father's reassuring words, I felt hopeless... I couldn't go on, all I wanted was     to lie down, on the inviting soft white carpet of snow, close my eyes and go to sleep, covered by blanket of white flakes... Suddenly I heard a voice, a pleasant 'Baritone' of an older man:X"This, is Also a part of the Human Experience!"It  was saying...  I looked around but no one was there... On my left was a very small chapel, which I saw many times before but payed it no attention. This time my legs took me inside There were only ten small benches in this tiny church; five on each side. I set on the last bench, watching  a Nun kneeling and praying in front of a statue of Jesus... I was never comfortable in churches, it seemed as if I was betraying my"Jewish God"... I don't know how long I was sitting there, before I realized that something strange was taking place... A Ray of Light came through the colorful stained glass window and touched my forehead, leaving me with feelings of Peace and Inner Joy, such as I have never experienced before; not even when I was a little kid  in my parents arms, or with Paul...

   In my post "The day I lost God" I wrote about the time I was a twelve years old child, who lost her belief in God... It would take fifteen years and a broken heart, to find it again, in Detroit, Michigan... I  believe that this spiritual experience, had nothing to do with religion, since God can be found in many places; Church, Synagogue, Mosque, Buddhist Temple or in any peaceful place in Nature: A top of a mountain, an open filed, a yellow sand desert, on snow covered roads, even in the middle of Manhattan where I would have another incredible spiritual awakening, eight years later...

Three "penguins"

Marygrove College

   I don't know how long I was sitting in the tiny chapel, trying to let go of my pain and hopelessness; when I noticed how my rational mind, was beginning to "X I had to pay full attention to my survival! The excruciating pain over Paul's betrayal will be  dealt with later, I have to pay full attention to my studies and get good grades!" X Luckily, I didn't have to pay Tuition since I was given a scholarship... I would have to find a place to live closer to the university, until the strike in the Hebrew school is over! X "Now is not the time or place to indulge in the pain of Broken Romances! Snap out of it and move on!"x  When I finally left the chapel I felt calmer and peaceful. On my left was the buildings of Mary Grove College; which were built around 1877... In the first building, lived an Order of Nuns, the classrooms were located in the second building and the third one served as Dormitory for Out of State and Foreign Students...  

    An idea hit me like a bolt of lightening!  Ten minutes later I found myself sitting across the desk of    the 'Mother Superior'', telling her about my problems... "I hope it doesn't make a difference to you that       I am Jewish"... I said. "I came from Israel recently, never expecting to face such serious difficulties...        would be most grateful, if I could stay at your dormitory, so I don't miss classes and be happy to pay  when the strike in the school I teach in, would be over!"  Not only did she say I was welcome to stay      in  the Dorms and take my meals in the dining room, for as long as I need: free of charge, she  also       said it was an Honor and Privilege, to extend hospitality to a young woman from the Holy Land!"        Our lord  Jesus was also Jewish you know!" She smiled...To show my appreciation, I offered to share  with the students information about Israel and use the slide show, which I brought with me from Israel      It would enable the students, to see the places were Jesus lived, traveled and created Miracles... The Mother Superior was delighted! She stood up and asked :"Are we the nuns invited as well, or is it for students only?"  I was laughing for the first time in many days: "You will be the guests of honor!" I answered. "Is there anything else I can help you with, my child?" The kind Nun asked, as she walked     me to the door..."Well, I was wondering if I could take extra classes during Summer School, so I may      be able to graduate early..."The Mother Superior said she would talk to the 'Dean' and a few days later      I was told my request was granted!

    Next I met with the Temple's President and told him about my situation... It was Friday morning and   on the afternoon, his wife came to pick me up for the Sabbath Dinner in their home...The Rabbi who heard about my 'Predicaments', spoke to the Temple Committee and I was assured of getting my salary each month during the strike! My hostess jokingly expressed her concern, that the nuns may try to convert me to Christianity..."If any one would be doing conversions; it would be Shira who will convert the nuns to Judaism!" The Rabbi said... A few days later I received a used car, donated by one of the congregants    I wrote to thank him, saying that since Christmas and our Hanukah, are so close; I feel as if there must be  a Jewish Santa Clause..."I do not thank you for the car only, I am thanking you for teaching me a lesson  in Generosity! When I start working, I am going to be as Generous to people in need, as all of you were   to me!" I kept and still keep my promise! 

   Even though the strike came to an end and I had a car again, I gave up my apartment...I was comfortable in the dormitory, made friends and the nuns were very happy to have X"A gust from from the Holy Land! At one point I realized that if I attend Summer School, I would be able to graduate earlier then I expected by combining the credits from the University of Huston, the University of Detroit and that of Mary Grove Collage... My new challenge was to have enough money to survive during the summer, when the Hebrew school and Dorm were closed for vacation...  An elderly couple from the congregation, whose children left home, invited me to stay in their house for the summer... I had several private students, but still needed an additional income to cover my basic needs and prayed for a miracle...    

Ruthy and I (standing

)

"The Two Sabras"

   My new friend Ruthy, was an Israeli woman who lived in Detroit, with her American husband Bob and their five years old daughter...Ruthy loved to play her guitar and sing. I was  often invited to celebrated Friday nights dinners with them After dinner we would sit in the garden, where Ruthy was playing her guitar and the two of us sang Israeli songs. One evening an idea crossed mind: What if the two of us would describe the history of Israel through the songs of the early Pioneers, who came from Russia to settle in Palestine (our present Israel) Their songs were about draining the swamps cultivating fields and planting vines and citrus trees... Ruthy and I sang the songs of these pioneers, who came from Russia to Palestine (present time Israel) which was then under the Turkish rule...  Someone heard us singing and to our surprise, we were invited to sing at Jewish organizations, several Hebrew schools and eventually at privet parties...

Click to enlarge

The two Sabras

    In between songs I used the Slideshow and was praying that the photos together with the verbal History lesson I gave in between the songs, would divert the audience attention, from the fact we were not realy 'Professional Singers'... To my total amazement it worked! We named ourselves:"The Two Sabras"(Israeli born") and appeared in Jewish temples as well as private parties...To our surprise or rather shock, we were getting swamped with invitations...After graduating and receiving my B.A; I was getting ready to move on, despite Ruth urging me to stay and continue singing. Never before did I consider myself to be a singer... I always planed to become a writer, a psychologist or both... My next step was to look for a graduate school in N.Y."Why New York when there are graduate schools right here in Detroit?"  My friends asked... But my mind was made up! I was going to fulfill my old dream of living in Manhattan and write my first book! I said Goodbye to all the wonderful people I got to know in Detroit,  the teachers in the the Hebrew school and the dear Nuns. I did not have enough money for a Plain ticket; so I carried my two heavy suitcases, to the bus station (no wheels for suitcases yet...)  and took the a Greyhound bus    to N,Y city and was ready to start my new adventure in the "Big Apple"...

With Love and Light
Shira