Hello everyone,
1. Question: Remember my post "Branching Apart?" Well, guess who came back home ? Answer: My husband Albie!
2. Question: Guess how long did it take him to come back home; after I shopped for new Furniture Blankets (winter and summer) Sheets and pillows, bed covering with matching curtness,Television and three Oil Paintings to hang on the walls? ... Now, try to guess how long did it take Al, to stay in this fancy Retirement Hotel in Beverly Hills? Answer: Ten days...
I have heard stories about men after retirement, who are going through dramatic and extreme changes; having affairs, getting divorced and buying Convertibles (so the wind blows their newly implanted tufts of hair...) Al was always a family man, a loyal, loving husband and father, a devoted son to his parents, and a caring nephew, who always payed attention to his uncle and aunt, who had no kids... Before his retirement, Al was talking about the time, he'll be free from work responsibilities 'He will sleep late, have breakfast with out rushing, while reading the Newspaper; then work in the garden, trimming the bushes and some of the trees, (which "the gardener never touches!')... Take care of the broken lights outside, read the Papers, without rushing to work and leisurely watch the news on the T.V... Al had big dreams about traveling the world, giving more parties in our beautiful home, work in the garden and just be happy; without all the worries, obligations and pressures, he had to put up with for so many years...
After his retirement, we had three weeks of bliss, before my darling husband became restless... He was walking back and forth, inside the house, looking for reasons to complain:"The gardener did not cut the grass short enough, His wife (me) is way too busy with clients, the idea I had my office at home was wrong, since too many people, were parking their cars in front of the house...(My office has a separate entrance...) As the weeks, then several months pasted by, Al began to ignore the invitations for dinner with our friends and refused to use our Season Tickets for, the theater and concerts, go to Museums or even dine in the restaurants he once enjoyed... I could see how my 'Albie', was gradually becoming restless, melancholy and at times depressed and angry... When I suggested he may benefit from seeing a Psychologist, or better yet, a Psychiatrist, he became energy and at times was raising his voice... X"Why can't you understand, that I am very happy, just being at home?! Maybe You are the one who should see a Psychiatrist!" Eventually, Al came up with a new idea:"We should sell this house and move to a 'Fancy' retirement hotel'...x Not the 'Joke' which I just left... I patiently explained that I was very happy were we live and intend to remain in this home forever... Failing to convince me Al decided to show me how independent he was, by declaring that since I am not interested to move with him, he will just have to move by himself! I believe he was surprised (rather shocked) when I didn't try to convince him to change his mind; on the contrary; I suggested to go together and check several of the the fancy Retirement Hotels, in and around Beverly Hills... If he likes it, I would help picking up suitable furniture, a new bed, sheets and blankets, pillows, bed spread and even Matching Curtains. I would also, let him select some of his favorite Art Work from our home, to decorated the his new place... However, I will not be going with him!
"Wouldn't you be frightened and lonely, sleeping in such a big house, all by yourself?" My small family and friends, were asking. My answer was: "No!" Didn't I live by myself before meeting Al?" Besides,if a Brain Tumor doesn't scare me, very little else could...To be completely honest, I was looking forward to find out, what would it be like to live alone again; remembering the amazing spiritual growth had during the periods I lived alone... Especially in Greenwich-Village of Manhattan, where my' solitude' motivated me to write and eventually publish, my first book...I was wondering, how would it feel now after living for forty three years with my husband, to be by myself and realized, I was actually looking forward to enjoy again the 'Spiritual Uplift', I used to have when I was by myself and how much I was now enjoying, my short newly found solitude... I also wondered if it would be as amazing as some of my past experiences, reminding myself, that this time things are different... I would not be living by myself, being busy with my clients and after they leave, our dog Moses, would be the only one to keep me company...
I never got a chance to find out... On the first week, my older 'Grand niece' Shelly, insisted on sleeping in my house for several nights only;"Just until you get used to be by yourself"..." During the first week, I visited Al at his new "Home" every day, making sure he is getting adjusted to his. place... I was Bringing the fruit, cookies and Ice Cream he likes, talking and getting to know his "New friends" and introduced him to them...Between our family members and friends, who came to check on me, in addition to my clients, I was not lonely at all and began to wonder, when and if at one point, I would start to miss my husband... I didn't have time to find out, because 'Albie' was back home fifteen days after he left...
It was amazing to see the positive change in him: He became much more considerate, accommodating and loving, then before he embarked on his 'Beverly Hills Adventure'... In the past few years, Al used to infuriate me at times, with his sense of Entitlement; which I reacted by naming him: "His Majesty Prince Albert!" I believe that his fifteen days away, helped Al realize, that he used a poor judgment by choosing the move... It seems as if this 'Ordeal' came, in order to teach him some measures of humility, which is a closer step towards balancing... These kind of lessons, are often necessary, to bring us closer to the up coming 'Ascension to the 5D' (which my 'Albie' never believes in and makes fun of.) I was thinkin about this 'Drama' (which was only one of man...) which he was excperiencing, after his retirement; the frantic days, I spent buying furniture for his new place: Bed, side tables, sheets, pillows, blankets, writing desk book shelves, curtains, television and other necessities, he may need to settle down... I now called the same moving company and arranged for movers, to bring back his belongings... The whole situation seemed like a Dream (rather a Nightmare...) and at times I was wondering, if it was really happening... During this ordeal, I did not say even one word, is to reprimand my poor husband, knowing he was embarrassed enough... I realized that Al, who was going through very painful changes, had no control over his 'Impulsive behavior' and how embarrassed, confused and sorry for himself he must be...
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| East or West... |
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| Home is Best |
It broke my heart to see my husband the day he came back home looking like a scared child, who did something very bad and is not sure, if he was going to be welcomed back... Al seemed to be very relieved, when in spite of my surprise (rather shock) of seeing him home after such a short periods of time; I gave him a hug and left for the market to get the food he liked... When I came back, Al was lying on "his side" of our bed, watching the news and stroking our delighted dog Moses, who missed him... My poor husband looked very confuse and vulnerable; clinging to his blanket, as if he was a 'Big Baby with gray hair'... Since I met Al, he was always taking pride, in his Appearance: His hair was always trimmed and neatly combed and he was always Meticulously Dressed... I remembered how young, strong and good looking he used to be: A respectable business man, proud husband and loving, protective father to our only daughter Karen a my heart was 'breaking', when I saw him now, so relieved and happy to be back home, in his own bed... I noticed he was a bit embarrassed... So in order to stop my tears, I said something sill:"East or West, home is best, right Albie?" He nodded his head and closed his eyes...
Our Housekeeper and I,went down to the garage in order to make room, for the additional furniture I bought less then two weeks ago... I began to separate, what can be given to family members, which to keep and what to donate to Charity... Our garage has not been cleared for quite a while and like a child I was rejoicing to discover 'Forgotten Treasures' and Memorabilia', which were stored in old boxes... There were broken bicycles, old furniture, clothing, framed black and white photographs Music albums, VHS movies, a large cracked mirror with a beautiful frame and more... It was time for a clean up! The "Junk" would be taken away by the municipality Garbage Trucks, together with several ancient suitcases (without wheels... ) There were boxes, full of books and notebooks, from Karen's early years of middle and high schools,in addition to her four years of college and six years of Rabbinical school! I decided which items were important enough to keep, before getting rid of the rest... Later I began to worry that she may be upset I did it with out telling her, but took a chance...
Sometimes, I wonder how things would have been, if Al didn't decide to come back... Would I eventually become lonely in this large, two stories house on top of the mountain? Al's ten days away from home which gave me the opportunity, to overcome some 'Disowned Hurt Feelings' of resentment and anger, which I felt for quiet a while... Being 'Peace loving' by nature, I seldomly expressed these emotions... Now, I was able to see, how this short separation, was helping us be closer again... I truly believe, that even Romeo and Juliette, would eventually be getting on each other's nerves, if they were together, over forty years, like Albie and I have...When I was young, I witnessed a kind of distancing taking place between old married couples, like my own parents, uncles and aunts, neighbors and other "old people"... I often wondered if Nature, in its great wisdom, helps diminish the love, most couples share when they are young; as some kind of "Protective Mechanism"... After all, the chance that one of the couple, would pass away first, is increasing with age... If their love has been as intense as ours the lose could be unbearably painful, even devastating, for the one who remains behind...
During one of my meditations, I had a glimpse of the possible reason, for the 'Temporary Separation' Al and I just went through...I came to realize, that it was necessary, in order to clear webs of resentment and negativity, which accumulate during our long relationship; just like the dust and cobwebs,I have just cleared in our garage! It seems as if my Romantic Optimist, would like to believe that this separation, we have just went through, came in order to kindle the "Smoldering Embers", left from the old beautiful love we shared and to bring light and warmth, to the cold nights of the the coming winters of our life together...
With Love and Light,
Shira
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