Unexpected Journey. ... XX V ,OO

Hello everyone,

   Recently, I came back from a three weeks visit to Israel, my country of birth, which I had not been for quite a while... The main reason for this visit, besides missing my extended family and friends, was the fact that my marriage of 45 years, seemed to be going through some difficulties...  My beloved husband and best friend Al (Albie) and I, were excperiencing "Communication problem"... The fact Al decided to retire (much earlier then planed) did not help; it actually seemed to be a big part of our problems...Al was spending most of his time, sitting in his reclining chair reading newspapers and magazines or watching the news on the Television... I tried to suggest he volunteers to help, with one of the many Organizations, he was supporting all these years, but he 'Snapped at me', saying that he was X"Very happy just to be home" I gently suggested, that he may be excperiencing some depression after selling the business and it may be a good idea, to see a psychiatrist X"Maybe You are the one who should see a psychiatrist! As far as I am concerned, I am very happy to finally get rid of this Business pressures! and enjoy staying in this beautiful home , sit in the garden, read my News Papers and magazines and watch television, whenever I feel like doing it!"...

Shira and her
"Hubby"

Al and his
"Hobby"

   Years ago, when Al was asked by friends, about his Hobbies he said   "I have only One Hobby - Shira is my hobby!" However, for quite a while after his retirement, my husband and his 'Hobby' (me) began to be very Irritated and Frustrated with one another... I had my office at home (working as a Psychologist) and was using a separate entrance For a while, we had a "Peaceful co-existence", but even though we had a large two story house, it seemed as if we were bumping in to each other way too often... When I realized that our tempers were escalating, more often then not, I decided that a short separation, may be a refreshing solution... I was hoping that a three weeks visit in Israel (by myself...) to see my family and close friends, will do the trick! When I shared this idea with Al he gladly agreed...(A reaction which hurt my feelings...) I could understand why it was me, who needed to to get away, but what reason did Al have, to behave as if he can't wait to see me go?

   I had to make peace, with the fact that my 'poor husband's emotional health', was deteriorating and most probably will get even worse... It broke my heart to watch my proud, handsome husband, who was always dignified, neat and concerned about his appearance; changing in front of my eyes, into an angry old man who is sitting around, wearing his rob most of the day and after reading the news paper, was watching T.V.  Eventually our daughter Karen, helped me find a caretaker, named Raymundo (Ray) to keep Al company... At the beginning, my proud husband refused to have a 'Helper', calming he needs did not need any help and is perfectly able, to take care of himself!  However, to my great relief he stopped resisting and seemed to enjoy Ray's company...  

Al, "The Star
of the Year"
1985

   I have been telling Ray how different Al used to be; Loving and kind, very friendly, with a great sense of humor... It was hard to believe that the person, I was living with now, who used to have a great sense of humor, is the same man...The man I knew was Loving Funny Friendly, Generous, Sensitive, Caring and had a great Sense of Humor... I was thinking of the time, when Al took a small Furniture Company in Los Angeles and turned it in to a Big Business; with offices in the U.S and Italy... When his gradual decline began, I forced myself to remember the wonderful moments of  love, joy and laughter we shared for so many years... As Al's health worsened, his care taker Ray was transitioning from 'Part-time' to a 'full-time' caretaker, who slept at our home... Ray's presence and Karen's urging that it was time I see my family and friends in Israel, eventually helped me let go of my hesitations: 'To leave Al, even for two weeks"... However, After Karen promised to move back home and make sure things were going well, I began to pack my luggage... My beloved Israeli cousin Lea'le, who is 17 years older then me, called to say how all the cousins are waiting impatiently, for my arrival, so they could embrace and spoil me, their youngest cousin' Shira'le', who left to live in the "Diaspora", so far away from home...

Harriet and Al on
one of our trips

     Before leaving on a direct flight from L.A to Tel Aviv, I went with Harriett to visit Marco in the Institution for Dementia Patients, where he was staying for the past seven months... Marco's illness was so advanced, he was no longer able to recognize the people around him... When we came to his room, he was lying in bed facing the wall... "Marco! Shira is here! Do You still remember her?" Harriet said...  Marco turned, looked at me with a blank star and shook his head from one side to the other... It broke my heart and I walked outside to wipe off my tears... The nurse put Marco in a wheelchair and we went to the garden..."Marco, would you like me to sing the Hebrew song "Hava Nagela?  He nodded his head to say Yes and seemed to be pleased when I sang and was smiling and tapping his foot on the floor...

Marco and Shira
on a "Coffee break"

    In the "Four  Musketeers" (which we named our selves) would often talk about our belief in God's existence (or lack of it...) as well as the the possibility of the 'Afterlife'...  Harriett and Al; the "Non believers" where teasing  Marco and me about our 'Deep spiritual conversations'... "Are you two talking about God again?! Please give him my best regards!" X Al said.X "Yes, mine too!" Harriett  added...  After the we set in the garden, for quiet a while, the nurse finally came to take Marco back to his room... When Harriett stepped out, I took the opportunity to sit X next to Maroc.x "I would like to tell you Marco, that one of these days, the time would come for you to go Home, our 'Real Home'; back to God! Don't be afraid    it is a wonderful place to be in!" When I hugged him to say goo by, I thought I could see in his eye, a spark of recognition... Three days later I was on an El-Al Airplane, on my way to Israel...  

   I arrived at Lod Airport after a long fourteen hours flight... Peleg, my beloved second cousin was waiting for me... Through the window of his car, I noticed the changes, which took place in Israel, since my last visit... We passed beautiful neighborhoods and new fashionable shops and restaurants... By now most people know that Israel, the 'Small young country', is one of the world's leading forces, in the fields of Science, Medicine and Technology... The Israelis are also known for their Cynical Sense of Humor which is often directed at themselves and their tiny country... They love to laugh, in spite of the constant social conflicts with their Arab neighbors', who reapetadly express their hatred towards the tiny Jewish State and keep on voicing, their determination to "Wipe Israel off the face off the Map..."

Lod airport	Souvenir shop	Sidewalk restaurant	High fashion store	Art gallery

   Each time I visit Israel, no matter how long I have been absent, the moment the plane lands, it feels as   if I had never left... There were so many people to see and visit, between my large family and the circles of friends from different periods of my life... My family was shocked, when I expressed my plan of going to a hotel... They were actually insulted; even hurt! X"What happened to you Shira? Did you become an American?!" They insisting I stay at their home and were insulted, when I finally chose to stay with my "Best friend" Tsipi and her husband Jacob's condo, forgiving me, only after I explained that the reason       for this choice was the fact it was Centrally Located, which makes it easier for me, to see everyone.      My Jet Leg was keeping me up at night and sleeping during the day... On the third day when I woke        up around 2:00 pm; Tsipi made a strong black Turkish Coffee, to keep me awake and jokingly asked   what would I like to eat; Breakfast, Lunch or Dinner...

   After the second day, I was ready to meet with the relatives on my mother's side. It took place at our oldest cousin's Leal'e Condominium, in Tel Aviv and I got to see my cousins and their families, whom      I  have not seen for several years.There were many people, crowding the small apartment:First cousins second cousins and some of the neighbors,who came to meet the Ccousin from America!"Lea'le's condo was set for an informal dinner of Self-Serve Buffet... The food was plenty and the happy conversation  was disrupted from time to time, with shirks of laughter...  Suddenly, there was a call for silence! "Shhhh, the evening news is on!" As usual, everyone including the children, became very quiet, which was a stark contrast with the happy noise, just a few moments before...

Peleg and his son 

Soldiers preparing

   The reason for the immediate hush, was the up coming news   all Israelis listen to, in case of an attack by one of the Arab countries... In such a case the soldiers who were off duty and those in the 'Reserve', would rush to their Command Post...  Young and older solders, would be often fighting side by side like my cousin Peleg and his son... Both high-ranking officers This time, there was no cause for alarm...The adults got back to their conversations while the kids played... Suddenly, there was   a deep silence... One of my my second cousins said: "It seems that 'Anti Zionism' is replacing the old 'Anti-Antisemitism!...I wounder what all these demonstrators would  say, if  there were Jewish Suicide Bombers, blow themselves up, in Their restaurants and theaters! I can't see them happy"   

Germany	France	London	Canada	Berlin	New York

  "Don't worry!" Our hostess, cousin Lea'le said; "It will not take long, before other countries begin to experience, the same things we do! Europe and America are full of Palestinians, not that All Palestinians are Trouble Makers, but many of them are! One day, these people who are now demonstrating against us In Israel, are going to have their first taste, of what we have been enduring here, for so many years!" The evening came to an end... My first and second cousins, made me promise, to come for a visit in their home Several days later, I met with the my fathers' family, which is much smaller... We enjoyed a calm evening together, looking at photo Albums laughing and sharing memories, and enjoying the delicious dinner!

White milk

Chocolate milk

     We talked about our childhood and the summer vacations, we used to spent at each other's house, our favorite  place; the far farm of our relatives in Givat-Ada; were we watched them miking cows and were helping to pick fruits from the trees.. We talked about the  rides on the old donkey and how our uncle was "forcing us"the city dweller" laughing , to learn how to pick vegetables and fruit... We  were talking, laughing and enjoying the excellent meal, when one of my cousins phone rang; her eighteen years old daughter, who left us an hour before, to celebrate a friend's birthday at a restaurant in Jaffa; was on the other line... She was crying hysterically, saying that an Arab suicide bomber, just blew himself up not too far, from where she and her friends, were standing! She was describing the"Dismembered limbs" and "Sea of Blood" on the sidewalk..."Are you hurt?!" The mother was asking, than turned to us and said "She is all right, but it sounds as if she is in shock!" Her parents left to pick her up and the rest of us, after hugging each other, scattered in different directions...X"Welcome to Israel!" One of my cousins looked at me ,with an ironic smile and gave me a hug...

Israeli TV news	A bombed bus	The wounded	The dead

Israeli family	Arab mourners	Israeli mourners	A grieving child	A future small "suicide bomber"

   The next morning Tsipi woke me up early... I looked at her face and realized that something else must have happened, besides the Massacre in Jaffa..."What's wrong?!" I asked, sitting upright in bed."Pick up the phone" Tsipi said in a strange voice;"Your husband is on the line... I grabbed the phone from her hand "Hi Al, you must have heard what happened in Tel Aviv last night!" I said, "Can you believe, that Ada's daughter was there? She is OK but several of her friends were badly wounded"..." Shira, I also have bad news."Al said with choked voice. "Marco died last night... I believe that Harriet needs your support now With all that's going on in Israel, you should better come home right away, even if you have to buy a new ticket! " He told me"... "What?! Marco died?! I'll call right away to change the ticket !" Love you Al"...

Lonesome Moses

   The flight on the El Al plane, back to the States, seemed to be taking forever... Between the drinks, lunch, dinner and watching movies, I was able to suppress for a while, the shock over the suicide bomber in Jaffa and Marco's death... I had no time to think about the crisis in my marriage. A voice in my head, was telling me not to worry... It became increasingly difficult, to keep my concerns and pain at bay; since all kinds of Dark thought, kept on coming up...

 "I wonder what Al is thinking now? Are we going to separate? If so, who is going to   keepkeep Moses? No! I shouldn't even think this way! I must remember how powerful thoughts and words could be! I am sure that everything is going to be fine again...  So why is my heart breaking and a flood of uncertainty and sadness threatens to sweep me away?  I can't believe that Marco died! Poor Marco! I am so glad, I visited you just before I left for Israel... I hope I helped a little with your Transition, by having all the 'conversations' we used to have about life after death... You will be badly missed, dear friend! 

   On my flight back home, I turned my face to the window; so my fellow passengers, wouldn't see my tears ... I could see how the sun, was beginning to rise, behind the fluffy clouds; painting them light pink which reminded me of the pink Cotton Candy, I loved in my childhood...  I finally closed my eyes and began to meditate, eventually falling into a very deep sleep...

Pink "cotton candy" clouds	An El Al plane (Israeli Airlines)

  When I was finally home, Al and I were somewhat reserved, then our eyes teared, when we talked about Marco... Our dog Moses, was jumping all over me; crying with joy... To make sure I realize how much he missed me, he peed on the floor... I guess it was much better then doing it on the Persian Rug...

 

With Love and Light,   
Shira